Reminessing

I've been going a lot or reminessing the last two, three days. I was just reading the past posts. and I can't believe its already half a year. I've changed to much. Things between me and my Ex has changed to much. I'm so confused, like I always am. Cause now, when i don't have contact with my crush, i start thinking about the past with my Ex. I really miss him. there are times when i start regreting ever breaking up with him. everyone saids that i made the best choice. i feel like i did too, cause i really dont know if i can take that cheating crap any longer. but, what ever. So right now, im stuck in the middle of likeing two guys, and i hope it does not add on. REALLY hope. cause that will just get really messy. I think imma try to write a poem again. i havn't done that in a while.(:

Fantasize.

To Him:
Are you always so kind to everyone? or am I just over happy that you said that to me? Everything you do seems to make me smile. Anyways... two nights ago, I had a dream. I know it will never come true, but I still dreamed on. You were sad, so you walked up to me to talk. You told me that you're worried about her. You said that she ignored you. That she was avoiding you. At first, I didn't believe you because you two always looked so close. But as you went on talking about her flirting with another guy, I started thinking otherwise. I thought to myself, "I will help, but will not take". (I wonder if that made sense)
Well, I just told you not to worry about it. After a few more days, you walked up to me again. You told me that she was with another guy. I told you to ask her about it and see what she saids. She admit the truth, that there was another guy and that she has been dating that guy for about a month already. You broke up with her that second. She didn't care and just walked away. You looked confused, and sad. That broke after two days.
You stayed after school where I hung out. I was hanging with my friends, until you walked up. You sat down and smiled. I waved hi. You stood up and walked to me. Grabbed my arm and said, "I have something to ask you." We walked somewhere where no one was. You told me thank you for being there for you. Then suddenly poped up the question, "Will you be my girlfriend?" I just looked at you, and smiled. "YES!" I gladly answered. We kissed. The END.
Just my dreams. I really think to much. Don't mind e. Just let me fantasize. It's better then facing reality.

its December already. this school year passes to fast. seems like just yesterday, it was the first day or school. now, its already half way though. i don't want it to pass so fast. but yet, i do. most likely i dont. cause that just means that i cant see him ever again. after this year, we might not even talk anymore. not that we talk now. we kinda drifted. we stoped talking. i htink its cause i feel like ihave nothing to say. the feeling of talking to him, but i dont know what to say. i dont want to make a fool of myself. or make him think im annoying. you know what i mean? and the other this is that i dont seem to type in this journal anymore. i wonder why. i rarely go on this now. but now that i have switched to this, i just decided to type something in. since i havent updated in like a whole month or so:P

short poem.

Walking down the road alone,
In the darkness on my own.
Hoping I will see the light,
Then I'll know that I'm alright.

(i just couldn't finish it. I lost my rhyming "skill". [didn't have any to begin with...])

Homecoming

Don't Wanna close my eyes - Aerosmith<3

Even though I wasn't there for the last dance, I can imagine everyone slow dancing, hugging, and kissing the ones they love. What hurts the most about that image is seeing the one I like... kiss his girlfriend. It makes me feel so bad. Not only does it hurt cause I like him, also because I like her boyfriend. Which makes me feel like... a bad friend, bad girl. I'm sorry _ _ _ _ _ _ _&_ _ _ _ _. I can't help myself but like him. I don't want to tell him how I feel cause I don't want to know that he will never talk to me ever again cause of the truth. I'm just going to lave things the way it is. Even no matter how much it hurts. And maybe, just maybe... I still have to think about it... I’ll tell him on the last day of school... or maybe his birthday. I don't know. I can’t get the image out of my head. It hurts to see him with his girl. But I can’t do anything about it. I want to say I’m happy for them, but I don't feel like I have the right so say that cause that would be lying. One of my friends told me... I should have asked him for a dance yesterday... but I said... it would be too awkward. And how would his girlfriend feel? She would probably hate me for life. Not that I don't think she doesn’t already. sigh. But we kinda matched yesterday. We were both wearing black(: All I have to say is. I'm sorry _ _ _ _ _ _ _&_ _ _ _ _ I just like him.

not only hopeless, im useless.

Im not only hopeless. I'm also useless.


I have proof. Cause my parents even said so! Im nothing to them now. I cant do anything right anymore. Everything i do , they never like. Everything I say is wrong to them. i dotn know what to do. I dont know iuf i should be pissed at my parents for calling me stupid and useless or should i be sad that they hate me now. I cant even call my paretns daddy&mommy..

read my convo with alex. i'll only paste mine.'

Auto Response from XxLadySw33tzxX (7:44:17 PM): leave me alone!
I fucking hate my parents right now!
what the fuck is their problem calling me stupid!
Iam i really THAT useless?!?!?

XxLadySw33tzxX (7:50:33 PM): my parents hate me.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:50:40 PM): they wont even look at me.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:26 PM): long stroy.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:33 PM): i dont want to talk about it
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:41 PM): i cant even say sry
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:44 PM): i dont know wat to do
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:55 PM): i feel like i lost my parents
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:58 PM): both at opnce.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:53:43 PM): we went to the car place... cause there was a prob about the new car
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:53:45 PM): annd like yea
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:53:51 PM): i was translating..
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:53:53 PM): yea yea yea..
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:54:11 PM): somehow my mom called me stupid and useless..
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:54:30 PM): and isaid out lourd that "fine, call me stupid,""
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:54:41 PM): then they got piss
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:54:44 PM): and i was crying
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:10 PM): i cant smile!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:17 PM): there nothing to smile about alex!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:23 PM): im just GUH!!!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:29 PM): i cant take this
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:35 PM): everythings to fustrating!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:40 PM): i hate this!!!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:53 PM): i cant hande all this stress
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:01 PM): i havnt even started hw
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:07 PM): im not going to do it!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:14 PM): i dont think immma eat dinner either
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:24 PM): they probably wont even let me eat
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:38 PM): im useless to them,
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:40 PM): im nothing
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:57 PM): they said they rather pay someone to help than as me
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:57:24 PM): and that i wont have to visit then when they go to retirment
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:57:30 PM): that im dont care about them
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:57:41 PM): i never said al that crap!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:57:46 PM): they just think that!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:57:57 PM): all i said was what my mom called me.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:58:02 PM): WTF@
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:58:28 PM): im useless!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:58:32 PM): im hopeless!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:58:34 PM): im nothign!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:58:58 PM): forget it. i dont want to get you all wryied.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:59:48 PM): i dont care anymore
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:00:04 PM): fine. but i wont promise
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:00:12 PM): no
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:00:26 PM): i said no.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:00:59 PM): i WONT promise...
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:01:08 PM): what part dont you understand
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:01:09 PM): ?
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:01:54 PM): no.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:02:22 PM): i'll do so if my paretns say so.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:02:43 PM): if they even talk to me,
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:03:15 PM): i want my parents right now! they hate me for goodness sakes
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:03:27 PM): im their daughter
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:04:20 PM): i cant even call my mommy .. mommy
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:04:27 PM): she said not to calll her that
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:04:57 PM): no
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:05:06 PM): i dont feel like it
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:05:44 PM): are you trying to make me feel even worst?
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:05:51 PM): its not that your nothing
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:06:03 PM): its i wasnt to know my parents still care.!
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:06:19 PM): if not.. their just ganna leave me sitting here all nights
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:06:29 PM): their not even ganna care if i eat or not
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:06:51 PM): if they do care. then they will tell me to eat.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:09:48 PM): your trying to make me feel worst
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:10:12 PM): i promise you, that ill eat and do hw.. if they tell me too.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:11:03 PM): i know
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:11:21 PM): who wouldnt.. but i dont know about my parents
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:11:28 PM): i dont think they even care.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:11:50 PM): were having hotpot todat, my mom makes the food.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:12:10 PM): we can start now if wanted..
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:12:21 PM): but my daddy still havnt called dinner
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:12:30 PM): i dotn know.


^you might not get what i was talking about, but yea. you get the main point.


I guess i'll just have to TRY my best and obay their orders. I'm just worried that were not ganna talk for like.. a long time.. and then they finally decide to kick me out. i dont know. I just want my parents back. i dont like to think about what happen to my friends mom.. and see that similar in my family but both paretns... sigh. I hate this so much! its fustrating. Why do they have to put me thoguh so much pressure.!

its after dinner. my dads talknig about early death i think.. or something like he's not going to be here anymore after i get out of collage. i think its fustrated.. but he wsnt mean and not talking to me. thats why i love my daddy more, cause he's nicer and understanding. my mom on the other hand.. hates me to death right now. she just told me she doesnt want to see my face right now. and if im doing my hw.. go somewhere else. so ihave to turn my comp off now. i didnt get to wait for him tonight. oh well.. like anythings ganna make it better.. sigh.

I'm Hopeless.

Your name runs though my mind,
How can I be so blind?
Every time I think of you,
I just can’t breathe.
I know you’re in love with her,
Which makes this even harder.
I really want to tall you how I feel,
But I'm afraid.
As each day passes,
I feel that my feeling grow deeper.
I know for sure,
That I will never have a chance with you.
Even you said I'm hopeless.
My friends say I should just tell you,
But if I do, will you still talk to me?
I rather have you talk to me,
Then you not.
Whether you know or not.
I just want to see you smile,
Even if it’s only with her.
She’s you everything ain’t she?
It’s been 3 months since you two been together.
I congratulate you two.
It doesn’t matter how much this hurts for me,
As long as you two are happy.
I want to say sorry to her,
For liking you.
She’s my friend, and I don’t want to EVER hurt her.
I never felt so much pain in a crush.
The feeling hurts so bad.
For now, as long as you can make me smile,
I'll be fine, till my emotions start again.
I think I’m going to end this by saying...
I'm hopeless.

worst day of school.

My day started alright until 2 period. First, we had to do some raider report crap. we had to wave "bye" for like 5 mins into the cam. So I hide in the back and just waved "bye". Well, that was embarrassing.(crush was near by) Then after 2, I walked to third. Unlike every other day, my teacher decided to let us change then roll call. I walked in and just remembered I forgot my PE clothes. I asked around and I got gray shorts but no shorts.

I went outside late after that, My name wasn't called during roll call. I thought it was weird. So I got sent to the counselors office. But my counselor was in a conference. I asked some other lady. she gave me my schedule and I ran back to my PE teacher. He approved it and sent me to class.

I ran to the locker room to get my stuff. I knocked on the door but no one answered. I ran to the other side and knocked there too. Still no one answered. So I ran to find B6. Dude.. I ran around the ENTIRE B building and still couldn't find B6. I felt like an idiot...-.-" well, I found it.. the last door I found. I went in and asked the teacher. She told me to go to my PE locker and get my stuff and stop by the library to get "to kill a mockingbird".

So I went back to the lockers and knocked in the door again. Still no one answers. So I ran to one of the teachers. Finally, I got my stuff, then I went to pick up the book. I went back to the class, the teacher told me that I have to read the book from chapter 1-10. Dude.. that A LOT of reading. By the time I'm there, they be done with the book.

Well, the good part in all, is that my classrooms are right next to eachother 3 periods in a row. B3, B6,& B8. :D And that Now I have 2 classes with Joyce(: well.. after that i went to alg. 2. Nothing special. Then PE again... No PE clothes, so i lost points. But I did get to go get my lunch earlier:D Goodbye Long lines!!(:

Other than All that, my day went well. I just have harder English teacher. First day in her class, and I don't like her already. Starting from lunch, I've been listening to "teardrops on my guitar" by Taylor Swift. All I did was think about him. and everything about that song is true. I hate the fact that he's taken. I wish them the best though.. Joyce saids that I should tell him. But I'm afraid that if I tell him, He's going to hate me, not talk to me anymore, or something like that. I think I'll just leave it as it is for now.

obsession?

I know that he has a girlfriend and its only right that they do stuff together. but why do I feel so sad. I shouldn't even like him cause he has a girlfriend. but; why can't i let go? he has a girlfriend stupid!

To me, they look so cute together. Well, "to me" most couples look cute together. It's love we're talking about. But, why do I still like him. I hate the fact that I can't change my feelings. When I think of what I saw today just kills me. and yet, I still say its cute. I guess cause it's only right that they do or they could cause their in love.

I don't know, I really hate this. Sigh.

freaky.

I know I haven't been updating this blog for a while now. I guess I just don't have much to say anymore. I write everything in my journal now. (my hand journal)

Hmm, what should I write about...

How about, do you believe in ghosts? The deal with yesterday was, I went our at 6 yesterday and didn't come home until 9:45. My mom said I can't watch TV if my homework isn't done yet. So i kinda disobeyed my mom, and turned on the TV anyways. I'd turn if off when its commercial time.

After the second time, I kinda forgot to turn it back on.. cause I was to chatting and doing homework. Suddenly the TV turned on by itself. i dont know what happened.. but it was freaky.

retreat relates to I AM poem.

GOD is my only TRUE LOVE!

remember this poem? I wrote this on Thursday. This poem was for a class assignment. But i feel as if god gave me this assignment. you know why? I'll explain..


I am a rose yet to bloom,
All grown up, or so you assume.
Well of course, I'm not full grown yet. (so that's true)

Friends and family are whom I love,
With heavenly father high above.
I love My family and friends, and God of course! (that's already true)

I am lost in the sound of music,
Singing to the wonderful lyrics.
In the retreat, i got lost in the sounds of the music that our worship team played. And i followed every lyric that was posted up on the projector.

I eat and eat but never get fat,
I hope I can just keep it at that.
I ate ans ate but didn't get fat. (but that want over a long time so yea.)

I am an angel with black wings,
A falling angel with broken feelings.
I dont really know about this one.. but yea..

Relationships have caused me pain,
Anymore; I’d go insane.
(past)

I want to go somewhere peaceful,
But not somewhere far to travel.
There was a bleach next to UCSD, so that wasn't that far(:

The beach is where I want to be,
In the future; just you and me.
So Joyce, Alex, Ryan, Ernest His sister, Joyce's mom and I all went to the beach. It was in the future from when i wrote the poem. I was expecting like LATER so ha ha.

I am...

I haven't wrote a poem in So long. and here's a poem i just finished for my history class.

I am...

I am a rose yet to bloom,
All grown up, or so you assume.
Friends and family are whom I love,
With heavenly father high above.

I am lost in the sound of music,
Singing to the wonderful lyrics.
I eat and eat but never get fat,
I hope I can just keep it at that.

I am an angel with black wings,
A falling angel with broken feelings.
Relationships have caused me pain,
Anymore; I’d go insane.

I want to go somewhere peaceful,
But not somewhere
The beach is where I want to be,
In the future; just you and me.


I actually this I wrote better ones than this, but for now thats all I can think of.(:

Second day of school.

Today was pretty much the same as yesterday. Except the fact that there are more homework then yesterday. I dislike homework.

He passed by when I was at Joyce's locker today. I was shy to say Hi again.... I feel so stupid. Maybe I'll be able to build up courage over time.. maybe.. but I don't get why I still like him. I know I will Never have a chance. He's taken. And I feel that I should just leave it alone. And yet apart of me still can't. I hate this.. why do I have to like him. Sigh.

Okie, back to the day... whoop.. nothing good happened.. so im just ganna leave it at that(:

First day of school.

yea.. its been a while since I updated this.

Umm.. today was the first day of school. I woke up at like 6:30 when I was suppose to wake up at 6:00. oh well, i just skipped breakfast. I was like rushing though the crowd to get my schedule. On the way there, people were like waving at me. OMGosh, I didn't even see them. I feel so bad. My apologize if that was you.

well.. that was how I was like.. pretty much the whole day. maybe things will get better tomorrow.

well, again... afraid to say hi to my little crush. ehh. I don't know... I'm just to shy.

Hmm.. I dislike first day of school. It's so boring! we have to play those stupid little "introduce yourself to your classmates" games. and hear the teacher talk on and on about what they did for the summer, and everything they know about them selfs.

I took $20 to school today to that I can buy lunch, but the lunch line was SO long! when I finally decided to leave, the bell rang.. and the line was STILL LONG! I don't think I'll be getting any lunch for the next ... week or two.. I'M GANNA STARVE!

well.. I think thats about it about today. I think I'll be able to update more now that theres at least SOMETHING to do.

Ohh, and the night before, I slept over at William's place... without him even being homeXD All my cousins went on vacation. only lily,Payne&&I have school today. Ehh. it was fun while it lasted. I made a mess.. tried to clean it up, but oh well:D

ugh!

失散 - 蒋雅文 <33
^New fav. song!(:


I was thinking today. As I was going to arch. design class, I heard a song called "shorty". I was talking about a guy and a girl. he calls her shorty even though shes not his girlfriend or anything. As that song played, I got more and more ticked off. I thought to myself, WHY are so much guys like that? are girls just play? I mean it's just stupid.

I told my sister, she's like "You know how guys are now. It's rare to find a guy that won't do such things." <-- even she knows. I really can't stand it. I just hope I won't ever find another guy like that in my future. I CAN'T stand them!

Bad Luck?

Right before I left the house today, (Bryan was over) and well, there was a cricket. I got scared (cause it popped up from nowhere) well, I stepped on it. and Bryan's like "your going to have A thousand years of BAD LUCK!" I was like SURE! haha. I don't even live that long.

Well, I got home from EATING with Joyce&&Sammi. It was almost 5PM. I had to walk to church cause Joyce had practice. But I didn't want to walk alone, So I called Ryan. But his mom still has his cell. I rushed home, hoping He was still online... I turned on my computer. I was lucky that he was still on. THEN my computer FROZE!

I HAD to restart my computer. After restarting, My AIM froze. I HAD to restart AGAIN! THEN My internet CUT OFF! UGH! so I gave up. I turned off my computer and said "FORGET IT!" my sister walked up to me and said IM him with my SN. I was like "you don't have his SN" "AND I didn't memorize it." then she said, then.. you can sign on your SN with my computer. (That was out of nowhere... she normally would YELL at me.. if I even bring that up) I did so. And Ryan signed off!

Dude.. so, I walked to practice and just watched them. I ended up going to church at 8PM. well.. It was still fun! Church was AWESOME today! we had like the ENTIRE time playing a game, and then we did worship. then we had cake cause Jennifer was leaving to Berkeley.<--I think thats now you spell it.... -.-"

well yea, then we had THE MYSTERY OF JOYCE'S MISSING MOM.ha ha.. yea, we found her then we all want home.

Past notes.

sometime in September of 2006
"Why didn't I brake up with him when I had the chance? I mean, how can I be so soft and still hold on to someone like him? He done so much wrong, and STILL I stay. Sometimes, Like now, I wonder.. "If he said that he loves me, and that he misses me like crazy, WHY, why would he do such things to me?" I trusted him. And still he... I don't know why I would do such stupid things. It's like, would you stay with them if they cheated on you? I know most girls won't. but I dont know why I'm so different. I just love him, I don't want to lose him. I guess Thats why."

October 1 of 2006
"10 months of this relationship between us. we have been though the thick and thin. we say we love eachother with all our hearts. But why so I feel like somethings not right? like something isn't equal. The fact that we don't talk as much as we use to. we use to say that we will talk to eachother everyday, about how our day went. Ever since yesterday, I feel like I'm keeping something away from you. Do you feel like I'm keeping something away from you? I guess writing these notes really is like keeping something away from you."
^I found a new song that day. 360 - Josh Hoge It's like i predicted the break up.

October 2 of 2006
"Today is the 10/2 and still thinking about what happened yesterday. we have been though thick and thin, but I guess it just doesn't cut it. You I love you and you still break up with me. was it something I did? why would you.. *sigh* I dont want to say anymore. I guess we just wasn't meant to be. Just know I will always be here for you. Be glad your moving on(;"

October 16 of 2006
"I think he broke up with me because he didn't want to hurt me anymore.(when he finds out that I kinda like another, He got all jealous.) When he finally realize that he loves me, he wants me back. But he didn't cause he was afraid. He didn't want people to think that he was some kind of player. so we just left it at that. We will acted as were together. Just without the title I guess."
^Thinking back, THATS JUST STUPID!

October 23 of 2006
"If you like her so much just get with her. Just get it over with. you just going to hurt me in the end anyways. I'm crying. So I'm guessing I'm crying myself to sleep tonight. Knowing the fact that you like another girl. You don't have to feel bad for me, Just go do as you like, I just want whats best for you. Don't worry, cause I will Always be here no matter what happens. I can really just die from this pain. I love you, but I just have to learn to let go. This is really hard for me, and you know it. Stop feeling guilty and just move on. I know you can."
^In the end, he told me that the day he broke up with me, he asked her out. (10/01/06)

October 24 of 2006
"WHATEVER! FOR REALZ!"

I'll stop here for now. These memories are to much. More tomorrow(:

New Music.

New Music.

I don't know what the hell's happening to my anymore. I mean, It's been taking over for a while now. I realize I'm changing. I'm changing into someone I have never seen within me. And now It's coming out.

Ha Ha. I don't know what I just said, but yea. Guess what?!? I just painted my nails black. and re-painted it again with a dash of red&&white. Enjoy the New music.

first verse

Cant wait until school begin,
I can finally see you again.

I don't know why or how, but this is the beginning of a poem that popped into my mind last night...-.-"

pissed!

I don’t know what the fuck is wrong wit my mom and dad. But yesterday really pissed me off. At dinner time, it’s like my parents started hating on me or something. I don’t really remember what it was about... oh wait, it was about tomatoes.

My daddy made my fav. Dinner yesterday. I was the first one to take a bit. So I digged in. there was really less soup, so I took more tomatoes, but as I was eating, the tomatoes blocked my rice, so I ate the tomatoes first. My dad sat at the table and started to yell. Saying that I didn’t eat the tomatoes. I did to... I just ate all of them. He scoped more on my bowl and said eat.

Then my mom looked at me and said, eat the tomatoes. I was like I did eat tomatoes. My dads like whatever. My moms like... okay, yea she did eat tomatoes, just really less. I was like WTF?!? UGH, so I just ate and stepped away. I went to get my mp3 then head back down to wash the dishes.

After the dishes, everything was fine. I was happy from watching gravitation. When I was at the last episode, my dad was like... I’m going to sleep. Please turn it down. So I did. Then my mom stated talking about her friend and her daughter, and how she came to America last year. And that she didn’t know English. And how she skipped three classes or something like that.

I was pissed; because she again was comparing me to some girl I don’t know. She really needs to understand that I’m not somebody else. I'm Paley and that’s all ill ever be. She’s like, every night you two watch you little drama stuff. And don’t even pay attention to school. I was like, its summer... she’s like, summers for you to practice what you have learned last year.

She’s like summer isn’t for you to play. It’s for you to relearn what you have learned last year. UGH! Right now I’m like typing to fast, you have no idea. And I’m not a fast typer for your info. Sigh, now I’m going to get my cell phone taken away, and my mp3. Then my internet. I have to turn off my computer at 10. Or before. And I have to read for and hour before bed time.

I have like 8 essays to write in Chinese, and I have to RESTUDY all my summer school geometry. Seriously, do you believe that summers are for studying? Isn’t that what we do during the school year? UGH! Now I have to start studying and crap! And I lost my mp3&&cell. I guess I don’t really have a use for them anyways. I mean I can’t live without music, but its not like ill really DIE! But still it would be nice to have music with me everywhere. But I guess I still have to listen to my mommy’s orders!-.-"

weird dream

last night i has a dream.

I was walking in the middle of the street with my dad. The around the corner was the Rowland raider regiment. They were marching in the sidewalk for some odd reason. Well after that, I met up with Joyce. We were at a school carnival or something. We stopped at the ticket booth. Then out of no where... Michael popped up. He was just standing around with his friends. Joyce and I just finished buying our tickets, and then I accidentally bumped into Michael. I looked up and said "hi, I’m sorry". He just smiled and left. I don’t really remember what happened after that, but then I was soon in this room with my cousins. It seemed like my moms work place, but yet it wasn’t. (This is going to be a little scrabbled because I remember little bits of it.) I remember I was in a school classroom. With my cousins, and this little girl. She as crying so I gave her my big lollipop. (I have no clue where I got that from...) then I put down my cell&&mp3 to go find my school books and schedule. When I came back to my stuff... they were gone. I went to look for it. My cousin Geni had it. -.-" after finding my stuff... my parents came in. they said i had to go. So we left. Right when I got to the car, I remember that I forgot my stuff AGAIN! And this time without my books too... -.-" so I went back into the room to find them. I found the cell&&mp3 right where I left it before Geni took it. But my books were gone... I look everywhere... then I ran out and saw Jeff. I started to talk about some weird game stuff that "I" really has no clue about. Then Michael came out of no where again, and started to talk with Jeff... i walked away and said bye. Jeff waved bye and Michael smiled. I got back to the car and my books were inside the car..... -.-"

Everything after that was weird and blurry. I remember something about white, a girl and Michael. Then, something that took place in front of M3 and a tree. It was something that really happened. The day when Eric wanted my cell #. But the end was different, Michael and Jeff walked up to us and started talking…….. -.-“

Seriously, I have some weird ass dreams. I wonder, does dreams tell you something?!? If it does, what the hell is my dreams trying to say!?!?!-.-"

Another drawing.

^Drawn on 080507

someone tell me if my drawings are okay :/

recent pictures

^Drew on 072607

^Drew on 080207

^Drew on 080307

Six Flags!

Six flags was the Bomb!

I remember Viper was the first one we went on today. I can't seem to remember all the roller coasters that we went on today, but it was MEGA FUN! I think I overcome my fear of roller coasters(with loops). Now, I have to overcome roller coasters(with really high drops).

Omgosh, my feet still hurts. Our third ride today was the raft thingy. I got so wet. But I wasn't as wet as My sister and Geni. Water went into my shoe and it stayed wet throughout the day. When I got to my cousins house, my foot was all painful and crap.

Another thing that happened was, well, it wasn't me but it was my cousin, Geni. Right when we were going to head home, Geni and her friend Connie saw a cute guy. Geni was brave enough to say hi to them. She chanced them all the way just to say hi. (I don't think were really related.) I would NEVER do that.. they were total strangers. well, yea, she talked to them for like an hour in the middle of nowhere. And in the end, she forgot to save their number or their AIM Sn. On the way home, they called her and yea.

UGH, my story went all weird. Oh well, its just for memories.

Pictures

^I JUST drew this. Isn't it cute. She's walking down the path of god(:


^I was bored in perspective class. Cause I was already ahead of the others, so I just drew random stuff. (: I like how the rose turned out(:

Transformers, and chruch.

YES! Today was the last day of summer school. No more homework till' 2 in the morning. Sleep; sleep; sleep from now until school.

Well, today, (after school) Some friends and I went to the mall to watch a movie. Joyce, Sammi, and Bryan went to watch ( some movie; I have no clue.) And Ernest and I went to watch Transformers. OMGosh! Best movie EVER! The cars are so pretty(: I love it when the cars transform, and When I see then change into different cars. (pretty cars while I'm at it[:)

After the movies, we got a ride from Ryan. We went to church to learn to play the guitar again. I can play the front part of a song.. called "The heart of worship" AWESOME! I can't wait till I barrow my cousins guitar. I can finally practice everyday. (My fingers are bruised I think. they still hurt, its been 4 hours.)

At 7:00 pm we went downstairs to sing worship. But before that, Sammi, Joyce and I were hungry so we walked to Tapioca. When we got back, We talked around for a while, then started to play a games called "Mad Gab" then started worship singing. And again, I sang my heart out(: I love singing. We sang "In the secret, (ugh, i cant remember all the titles.)"

Well, then we talked about people, and how we judge people by how they look and what they did. And in the end, we figured people talk about each other for our own entertainment and to make ourself worth something. There were many more reasons.

Church is AWESOME!(:

Sleep.

Two more days till I can sleep again.

For the last 5 weeks, I haven't been sleeping well. and everyday I only got about 5 hours of sleep. Its 11:53. I'm tired, so I'm going to skip my extra credit and the makeup work. its not like its going to help my grade anyways. I just home my C is high enough to hold my final's grade. If I don't past this class this summer, then I'm falling behind in math. I have to past. I just hope I remember everything I learned from the last 5 weeks. So tired. I just have to past. or all this (no sleeping) would be for nothing.):

Fortune Cookie

"The current year will bring you much Happiness."

That was the quote for my fortune cookie. And I really hope it's true. I really need the happiness right now.):

Joyce Meyer Concert. I Am saved.

I AM A SINNER!

The concert was AWESOME! Well, it all started umm.. I'll start at 99 cents store. Sammi, Joyce and I ran into 99 cents store to pick up some water. Then these two guys walked up to Joyce and I, and started to talk to us. They're like "That water isn't good.." Joyce was like "We're in a hurry, so we don't really care." Ha Ha, scary, I don't like talking to TOTAL strangers. Well anyways, We headed to the church to get the directions and where to meet when we get to Staples Center. We got there and we all meet up inside and stuff.

I was bored at first, cause I was just sitting there doing nothing. Then suddenly, the concert started! We stood up and sang with all our heart. The lights were BEAUTIFUL! Well, after like and hour (I think..) my hand started to hurt from clapping. Well mean while, Joyce Meyer came out. She took 20 minutes talking to us about how important life is. and Why we should let god and Jesus lead our life. I was convinced. Well, then I went with Sammi to get some food and the restroom. When we came back, Joyce Meyer asked, Who wants to be saved.

I wanted to, but I was afraid to go up. Then Joyce (my friend)asked if I wanted to be saved by Jesus. I said "sure." So Tiffany started to question me. "Are you sure you want to do this?.." and then Jessica chained my arm and asked me, "Your coming with us?.. I'm so glad that you are." Ha Ha, I can't believe what was happening. I just followed the crowd.

When we got down towards the stage.. Joyce Meyer Said, "Repeat after me. I am a sinner. I Admit I have done wrong... " As she was talking and we all repeated, Everyone started to crowed around me. Looking at me, My eyes started to water up. There was a WARM feeling within me as I repeated after Joyce Meyer. I was crying, then everyone looked at me and hugged me. We went back up to our seats and continued singing. After all that, we left and Joyce's mom took Sammi and I home.

Your love..

The one you once love is long gone,
So start a new life at the break of dawn.
Just so you won’t feel the pain,
Don’t let anything be in vain.

I know she has hurt you bad,
She didn’t mean to make you sad.
Don’t think any bad of her,
She’s also hurt forever.

4 turtles

So much homework these's days. And again, i have nothing to say. I don't even know why I bother updating this anymore. Well.. anyways I was doodling in class today. I drew four turtles. Wanna see?(:

Life is like a boat

I want to know how it feels like to be free. Does the feeling of not liking anyone at all a good feeling? I think I'm moving on. I've always wanted to be free. I guess I'm finally going to know how that feels huh?(:

Rie Fu - Life is like a boat

Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along
Who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong

We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you though another day

遠くで息をしてる　透明になったみたい
暗闇に思えたけど　目隠しされてただけ

祈りをささげて　新しい日を待つ
鮮やかに　光る海　その果てまで

Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong

人の心はうつりゆく　抜け出したくなる
つきはまた新しい周期で　舟を連れてく

And every time I see your face,
The oceans heave up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars,
And soon I can see the shore

Oh, I can see the shore
When will I.... can see the shore?

I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along
I will follow you, and keep you strong

旅はまだ続いてく　穏やかな日も
つきはまた新しい周期で　舟を照らし出す

祈りをささげて　新しい日を待つ
鮮やかに　光る海　その果てまで

And every time I see your face,
The oceans heave up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars,
And soon I can see the shore

運命の船を漕ぎ
波は次から次へと
私たちを襲うけど
それも素敵な旅ね
どれも素敵な旅ね

This is a Beautiful song.

guitar(:

I learned how to play a guitar today. It was so much fun. I only learned how to play the G note and the C note only though. I seems easy when you watch someone play. It's easy, but yet hard. It's fun, but Painful.(: my finger was all purple after. UGH! i really want to playXD I'm going to ask William for his guitar(:

Well, Happy Birthday Ryan. Long time no see. Hope you had a good one(: (cause I was in it.. JK)

This day.

Today is the two year anniversary to our first relationship. Even though that was two years ago, its still a day to remember. Well, today is also the last day we met. He said that we won't see eachother ever again. I on the other hand, don't believe so. Well meet again(:

Well, other than that, theres nothing else that is interesting. My life is so boring, but yet complicated. Why is that? I feel that, like theres nothing exciting but yet so much happens. I think if anything else exciting happened, I wouldn't be able so handle it.

I'll miss you Alex. I don't get why can't we just be friends. But then again, maybe some time off can get your mind off things a little. :/ I'll really miss you. You are actually the best thing that ever happened in my life. Even though you made my first experience painful, I forgive you. Instead, I thank you for everything. You have thought me well. I will forever remember these experiences, and will not let it happen again. I am really sorry for everything I have caused you. I don't deserve your love. Yet you still love me. I apologize. I will hope to see you soon. <33

Happy 4th of July!

SHIT! Today was hecka FUN! It was the best 4th of July ever! Haven't had so much laughter in Ages. We took A LOT of pictures. I'll load them into my myspace tomorrow. Cause Geni don't want to send them to me yet.

The fireworks sucked this year, but we still had awesome fun! After the ALL the fireworks, We went to the back yard to finish the food. We had so many jokes. I couldn't stop laughing.. I was laughing so hard, Everyone started to laugh at me... And all that do was make me laugh even more.... ha ha. yea, I'm weird. I just got home like 20 mins ago, now I have to start on homework. FINALS tomorrow... good nights, or should I say.. good morning(:


I hope ya'll had a GREAT 4th of July like I did. I love my family! I love My cousins! I'm glad to be a part of this family!(: <33

No title..

miracles do happen(:

I got my internet fixed. And yesterday, my MP3 broke... and then when I came out of the shower, it was fixed... weird. But Awesome!(:

Well, today had nothing special again. Ernest fixed my internet. I found out that Tom(the dude that controls my internet) blocked the wireless. Thats the reason why My mom and I couldn't use the internet. Well thanx to Ernest, I can use my internet once again!(:

..

I'm staring out upon a star,
reminiscing my life so far.
With everything that I have done,
Never had I really had fun.

to be continued..

My life.....

I haven't updated in two days. I'll type more tomorrow. its late. and my computer's Internet don't work.

10:09 AM
It's Sunday, and no Internet for the last two days. I'm getting really pissed off about it.

Recently, I've been thinking to myself, whats happening to me? It's like, I don't know what's going on with my life. One second I'm this and the next second I'm that. I get the point that life is the best gift from god, but still, why am I here. I feel that I have no purpose here.

You know what, I really don't have much to say. Life is just to confusion right now.

My Life
I'm staring out upon a star,
reminiscing my life so far.
I've done things that shouldn't be done,
I really wish I didn't do none.

Life seem to be getting harder,
And I don't seem to get any farther.
.....(I can't continue this.. I just can't. Don't know what to write anymore.......)


5:03
I just came home from the library. I met up with Eric there. He helped me with some proves and we went to go pick up his cousin. So I went to his house. We picked his cousin up, and went out to eat. We had some quiet moments, but it was still fun(:

Boring day..

UGH! I don't even know what to type anymore. Well, My internet didn't work yesterday. That explains why theres no post for yesterday. Yesterday wasn't that interesting anyways. Since my internet didn't work, I went out with my dad to go buy ink for my printer. Then as went to a Korean Market to go buy some sushi stuff. When I got home, I made sushi for dinner. YUMMY!!(: That was pretty much it.

Today, umm, I think I failed my test. It was hard, and I skipped all the proves. Also that last one done... Hmm, I've drawn a few pictures, I'll upload them later. Nothing interesting happened today either. I think I should stop talking about my day and start writing more poems. Cause my summer's are boring. Especially after summer school. All that free time waisted at home doing nothing. BORING!!(:

Another Day.

Another day that I have to go though. I sometimes wonder why i"m here in this world. I feel like everything I do, Never goes right. Life is such a confusing thing.

9:40
Wow... Gone though a lot today. Alex came over at 5 with John. Joyce was here too. When ever Alex and Joyce meets, they always have this alone time to talk... normally about me. Well, John was sitting on my dads massage chair. I was just sitting in front of my computer typing the entry earlier. After like 30 minutes, Joyce comes in and asks me to go talk to Alex. I lied down with him. He didn't say anything, until John and Joyce started talking about god. Everything they said, all I did was answer. Alex looked at me and disagreed. All he kept on saying was that god sucks, and that he didn't help me.

Com'on you tell me, Who causes the bad on earth? Does god betray people? Or does people/humans cause what's happening on earth? (There's to much that we have talked about to remember them all.) And in the end, John and Alex Both are now Atheist. I don't know how to help them. If only I had someone that was on my side to help prove them wrong. Someone that knows a lot about God and Christianity. I don't know, I think everything is made a little clear. We'll see the next time we meet.

The Rose (Another Day..)

Nothing interesting happened today at school. I went to Joyce's house after school. The whole time at her house, I was drawing the picture. "The Rose"; On the 23 of June, I felt like drawing, but I didn't know what to draw. So I asked Michael what I should draw. He sent me a picture of a rose. I thought to myself, "A rose, Roses are hard." I managed to draw it anyways. I had faith in myself. After two days, I have finished The Rose.

Picture:

Grad. Party.

Today was crazy. I was like running everywhere. It all started at 9. My parents met up with my cousin's and their parents. We went to eat dim sum. After that, We headed back to William's place. Their dog Green Tea get her "PERIOD". So we helped her take a shower, and took her to buy a "PAD" for her.

We took forever looking for the pads, but we finally found it(: When we got out, I realized that I forgot my backpack. I called my mom like twenty thousand times. she wouldn't answer so I went to her place.....(to be continued)

Continuing, (after this, I really have to start on my homework XD)
Well, I went up to the second level of the building she works at. I ran around pathetically; looking for my mom. After like 5 minutes of waiting in front of her door, I finally decided to run around again. As I walked down the hall, My mom called out my name. I looked back, and then she yelled at me or not picking up my phone. I didn't get any calls, buy I guess I was calling her to much.

After that, I asked her for the car keys. I had to go to the P2 floor, (underground parking lot) and then find her car. I got out, and made a guess which door to exit. I guessed the lucky door. I found her car and grabbed my backpack. I thought to myself, now I can go straight to the first floor and get back to the car. Then I realized that I still have my mom's keys. I had to get to the 2nd floor and then back to the 1st floor.

After that, We went back to William's house to grab some stuff, and then we went to lily's house. We basically just Chilled. well, at least everyone ELSE did. I had Homework... Took me three hours to do ALL of my homework... well.. except the last page. I managed to finish it in the morning.

After Homework, I rushed into the Jumper. William and I were Jumping and playing with the Big Blue Ball that they had. We kept throwing it at him. we were aiming for the faces, well at least he was. I was going for the ... Yea... Then after all that excitement, Food came out. So we took a rest, and we ate. (we ate WARM watermelon...EW) Then I sat down and TRIED to draw "The Rose" After I colored the Background, I started to jump in the jumper again.

Some of Geni's friends are crazy, Especially the guys. (DAVID DANG) dude, he put grapes in my shoe, and stuffed ice down my shirt. It felt good, but it was TOO cold after a while. I started to play with the ice. After a while, I went back into the jumper, and I started to tickle William. William squiggled like a warm/fish. It was funny!(:(fun times)

After all Geni's little friends left, We all went in to sing Karaoke. It was fun. William sand funny, I sang a song of my own, and then the rest of the way, I just yelled XD. After 2 hours, we went back into the jumper till 9:30 or so. The I went to eat, (the food was all gone T.T)... WHYY THE FOOD!!): Well, My daddy cooked something and I ate it(; Not long later, We went home... Pretty Fun day.

"Let reality be reality"

"Let Reality Be Reality."

What is the meaning of this quote? Does it mean, I should believe whats happening. My life is real? everything a fantasize should be forgotten?

It's not that I don't believe my life is real. Sometimes I just wish it was more the way I fantasize. But then again, it wouldn't be called "my fantasy" if it was my life. Like I always say, Life goes on.

I rather live a fantasy than this life right now. It's a lot nicer in my fantasy. Everything I want and everything I need is there. Maybe that's why it's called fantasy. Snapping back to reality, It's so complicated. I guess it's just life, I just live it...

(oh, this quote came from a fortune cookie, I just wanted to talk about it.)

Movie's?...

A regular day you can say, well just summer school. After school today, Joyce, Ernest, and I walked to Joyce's house. We waited till Alex came. We were planning to walk to the mall, but we got a ride instead. Joyce had an eye appointment. So Ernest, Alex, and I followed, and waited. I on the other hand, fell asleep. I have no clue why I've been so sleepy lately. But yea, I woke up and walked around a market. I bought a can of Thai Tea. When we got back, Joyce and her mom was done. So Joyce's mom drove us to the mall. We met up with the church people's and we watched Evan Almighty.
(Tiffany, Joyce, Ernest, Sammi, Alex, and I) were sitting in the middle of the rows. Our plan was to sit in an order so that Tiffany can move and sit with her BF. We were suppose to sit two rows from him and avoid her sister. But then when we sat down, Tiffany found out that her sister was going to sit in the row BELOW us. So we changed to the LAST row (it was the only row that can fit us all) When ticked me off was that, I can't see the movie well up there. AND... Tiff's BF made us move, and he didn't want to get out of his original seat.
UGH! So we sat on the to row. Then these two people sits down. It was like 10 mins till the movie starts, so we talked till then. You know how before the movie starts, they have a commercial. It's like a phone ring, baby crying and etc.. WELL, then they say, "Please be quiet, Don't start your own soundtrack." The lady next to us looked at us with an attitude and said,"Did you hear that?"
I got SO ticked off... Whatever. The movie was still great!(:

random

I Think I've fallin back into what I got out of.

Today, all of a sudden, I feel like I belong in his arms. Like I need him with me.

I'm falling deeper into darkness.

062207
Well yesterday, After school.. Alex came over. We walked to Joyce's house. Cause Joyce had practice at 2, We dropped her off and the hideout and we all walked to my house. Ernest helped "FIX" my computer. Too me it's still the same, he "SAID" it's faster.. RRRIIGGGHHHTTT!! (: Well yea, I fell asleep again. Joyce came to my house after practice, Right after Ernest left too. After Joyce left, Alex left.
After all the fun, it comes to home work.. I slept at 12:43. Still tired.

Chained up heart

You know what's weird? I don't seem to know what I'm thinking about. Besides the fact that I'm thinking about what I'm thinking about. That sounds weird, but its true. Ha Ha, Well anyways.. my day went alright. Nothing really Exciting happened to me today. I noticed now that it has only been the third day of school, and I'm beginning to slack off already. I really should snap out of it. Cause I have ANOTHER test on Friday, and I still don't get how to do freakin' Proofs. I really dislike math. And math dislikes me. We will never be good friends, no matter how hard I try.

Hmm, I have another drawing I drew today, something that looks pretty simple but a lot of work. well, I messed up, then I fixed it up a little, and now it looks a little better.(: I call it, Chained up heart. I think I'm going to try and write a
poem with it. I had a verse on it. "Who's got the key to set me free?"

Why pain.

Another day of missing you,
With all this sorrow I go though.
I Never thought that I could stand,
Or even begin to understand.

Why I cause myself heartache,
Even though I know I can't take.
Another love will just cause pain,
But love for you I can't explain

^Don't ask...I have no clue...);


Well, nothing special happened today. Not even anything good I can remember. So I guess I'll just leave it at the poem.

This song...

This Song that I'm listening to,
A song thats introduced by you.
Creates a strong feeling within,
Like someone stabbed me with a pin.

This sharp pain within my heart,
Had stayed, and will never depart.
Even though its just a song,
The pain will always stay long.

"Once your hurt, you'll stay hurt." -Paley T.T

First Day Of Summer School

I wore up at 6:45 wondering if today was Monday. I've been having to much fun for the last three days, I don't even remember the dates anymore. Well, as I was walking up my street, I was watching all these incoming freshman's find their way in. As I continued, I noticed that every gate door was locked EXCEPT the front one. I just walked into the parking lot.

I called up Joyce to see where she is. I waited for her, and when I finally found her, I had to leave. I was afraid that I was going to be late. I felt so stupid. I walked to the wrong parts of the P buildings, I had to rush to class HOPING I was in the right class. When I got in there, I found my friend Vivian. We both first thought that we were loner's till we saw eachother. I think Mister Wong can't teach. Cause Vivian and I were both in her class, but then again, maybe we just suck at math. I took like 7 Pages of notes today... thats a lot for one day in one class.

At some point of class, we floated off topic. Mister Dawdy was talking about English, and why he never majored in it. He saids that English is DUMB. He asked "Why does dumb end with a B? It's not dumBB" <-- that one isn't as funny as when you hear it. The other one was "Why do they call is apartments? Aren't they together? Then why apart?" && "Why do they call them buildings, when their built already." The class cracked up like crazy.

Well, everything else was normal I guess you can say. Until the last 40 minutes of class... cause in the then minute break, I bought a drink. I drank it all. And you know where you need to go when you finish a drink. Well, I was one problem away to finishing, I really couldn't hold it anymore. UGH! I walked up to Mister Dawdy and asked if I can go to the restroom. He asked if I finished my work. I told him I only had one left. "Then, go finish it" he said.

Ugh! I finished it, I showed him, he starts picking stuff out like, "Show all your work"&"Draw All the Pictures" by the time I was done, It as like 5 minutes till School ended. He finally let me go, I rushed out of class. And you know what he said when I came back? he said to the class, I was being nice today, started tomorrow, no restroom breaks. you know what else ticked me off at the time? Everyone started asking my for the freaking answers. UGH! I'm never drinking anything before or in class.

Nothing Special

There was nothing really interesting that happened today. I woke up, went to my cousin's house, got ready for BBQ, and my cousin's and I watched a home movie.

Happy father's day!

Summer school starts tomorrow. 5 hours, in ONE classroom, with math, and it has to be Geometry too. Five weeks, five hours, on my butt, One word: BOREDOM!(:

Appreciation night

Appreciation Nigh was Awesome! I wished everyone would have gone. Well, My day started off with a breakfast with family. After breakfast, my parents sister and I went to a flower shop and shopped for flowers. At about 12 PM, my dad drove my mom to work. Then we went to my cousin lily's house.

During that time, we just made stuff, watched a movie, and ate a lot(: At about 3:30, I left to school. Class WAS suppose to be today at 4-7PM, But no one told me that there were no school TODAY. So I called up my dad to pick me up. I had to make it home before 6 so I can make it to appreciation night. I was going to go at 8, cause I had school, but plans changed.

On the way home, there was traffic. My dad wanted to Stop by at Fry's cause we haven't been there in a long time. And cause he wants to avoid the traffic. So we went in, just walked around and looked at Cable lines, and Linksys modem's. After an hour, the traffic only got worst. Well, I got home about at 5:30 PM. I got ready, and rushed out of the house. I wore a red and black dress, with black heels. My feet still hurts till now.): well, the party was Awesome.

Wee ate, We played games, We passed awards, We watched video clips. It was Really fun. I made a souvenir for memory. Oh, I saw Joyce wear a dress! She was Beautiful! not that she isn't already everyday. XD I'll upload picture on my myspace later(:

The Lie.

I lied to my parents so I can go out. I know what I did is really wrong. I know I will one day regret lying. But then again, I had fun today. I woke up at 5 in the morning. I left the house at 6, with Joyce. Her dad took us to Monterey park on his way to work. We stopped at Alex's house, right before he went to school. as he's going to school, me and Joyce walked to the park. I promised my cousin Geni that I'll go to her graduation. so I went to the park. We were early like 1 hour, so we just played at the kid's playground.

It was so much fun. There was this one slide thingy. I was like pulling on it. and like it was stuck. After I got it on the right spot, I tried to slide across the thing, but it wouldn't budge. I was like thinking to myself... dude, if I was a little kid, I'd be happy if I even reached it. Not even thinking about pulling myself across the thing. Not even if i put all my might into it moved me. Joyce videoed me; I looked like a fucktard(fucking retared: learned it from my cousin William and Ex Alex).

WEll, anyways, after that, we walked into the stadium. we sat down and hoped my cousin's parents don't see me.(good thing they didn't) I wore a jacket, with my hood on, and the program covering my face.(: After it was over, I ran out as soon as possible. My cousin Geni was glad I came. Right after that, we(Joyce and I + Ernest) walked SLOWLY to Mark Kepple High School. We waited for like an hour, with the seniors. We TRIED to blend in. Everyone there wears like brands. I totally don't blend in. I like to match, and i don't like wearing like Hollister, American Eagle...etc.

Well, after that, I went inside the school, and just walked around. Their school is huge, and very confusing. But we managed to find our way out. We stuck around at school with Alex and his friends. Then we walked to starbucks. We stayed there for like 2 hours. Alex, Joyce and I were talking about what's happening between Alex and I. As that took place, the other guys went next door to play games. Some other people's left.

We went bowling at 2 near 3. It was so much fun. I played better the Frist time I played. I sucked today, I got like 4 place out of like 6 people in my lane. I didn't even get a strike.): Oh well, It was a long day, I think I'll just continue tomorrow. I'm tired. We sure did A LOT of walking today.(:

1:34 of 6/16/07
After bowling, we went next door to lollycup. I got something to eat cause I was super hungry. Then we went back to starbucks. Really we went to game stop cause thats where all the guys were. So Alex, Joyce and I just went in and played games. We got bored so, we headed back to Alex's house to just chill. At 8, Joyce and I were planning to take the two hour bus ride home. But then with the rate we were walking, we were at the bus stop at like 9. I can't get back home by ten. So, Joyce called up her mom. Her mom picked us up, and I got home at 10:20. Just in time. cause i told my parents that i'll get home at 10 like I normally do. Well its cause I told them I went to church. Stupid lie, but I didn't get cought. atleast not yet.

Last day of school.

Today was an alright day, took the last two finals. The spanish final was HARD! I didn't understand anything. After 5th period, I went home to get money. I was getting ready to go to Universal studios.

Joyce and I followed Kathy to her house. We sat and waited for Kathy's dad to get home. When we arrived at Universal studios, the first thing we did was eat. Then we went on the mummy ride. It was fun. My first time was scary, but this time it was like my third time. It's not scary anymore. But, when we were exiting the ride, there were these mummy statues. I was like, these went here the last time I came. So I stepped up to the first one. I looked at it for like two seconds, and the mummy scared the shit out of me. Dude, everyone laughed at me. Joyce laughed and then ran to me and gave me a hug. she's like, out of all the people, you just had to be the one to get scared. HA HA. Well, after the mummy, we went on Jurassic Park. I'm still scared of drops. I don't think my heart can stand THAT much excitement. After that ride, we ran back to the mummy ride. When we came out, we were planing to go on Jurassic Park but it closed. So we just exited universal and walked the City walk. I bought lots of Candy!(:

I think that's it for the day. I didn't get to see him today, oh wells.

Heart Broken

OMGosh, I just can't write a good poem. I just don't have the heart to. You have no idea how sad I am right now. When I try to smile, all there it are tears. I'll think of this poem soon. Maybe after all this frustration and pain.

Drawings

These are drawings that I have done in the last two days.


^I'm thinking about making my own prom dress. Which one looks better?

^Just regular drawings that I draw when I'm bored.

weird but yet awesome day.

For such a short day, I sure have a lot to write. Well here I go:

Today I wonk up at like 6:55. I forgot to sent my alarm on last night. Well, I woke up from this really weird dream. My Ex had a twin, Joyce was there(forgot what she was doing), Tiffany was there, she was wearing this dress(really pretty), Tiffany's boyfriend(that was laughing at me and Tiffany), and I was just there, wearing a dress that was similar to Tiffany's. And basically, we were all at the movies together.

continue later, I'm going to go eat LOT of food now(:

5:45
Okie, I'm now back home from Susie's house. I ate food(: Good Food(: anyways, continuing.

I think that was all of the dream. So I rushed to school and find that class doesn't start till 7:15. Oh well I thought to myself, more time to copy Joyce's cheat sheet. But NO, the second I stepped into the hideout, took out my paper, Larissa called out, "We need to clean the flags, and my office." So i hurried and cleaned, then moved all the flags back to the office. In the end, I only copied one page. And guess what? I didn't even use it.

Lunch time, I was sitting where I normally am everyday at lunch looking at my crush. But today, he wasn't there, so I just walked around and went back to wait for Joyce. When Joyce came out, she dragged me to go find Michael. We couldn't find him, so we were heading towards the library, and on the way, we saw him. Joyce handed him the yearbook, so he can sign it. we continued to the library, then came back to the table where I normally am. Tiffany kept yelling out weird stuff at Michael. "I apologized for Tiffany, Michael."

6th period, I was scared of finals. But when I found out what our finals was, I was like,"Dude, what does that have anything to do with architecture?" We cleaned out the workshop. I was ok about it at first, then I started breathing in the dust, I almost died. You don't want to know how many times I ran outside just to breathe. After all the cleaning, we sang karaoke. No one went up, so only Mr. Krumm sang.

After school, I went to Susie's house. We all wanted to go to my place, but my sister took the house keys again. (Seriously, she needs to find her keys quick, or I don't know what I'm going to do with her. UGH!) So, we went to Susie's. I ate a lot of food. At least I think I did. More then I have lately. I love food!(:

I'm so happy, I got to see my crush like right in front of me today. Even though it didn't really matter whether I was there or not, but still.

And you know what? I just remembered that I have a power point due tomorrow. something tells me I'm going to stay up pretty late tonight. (again)

Friends? Feelings&ignored.

Am I your friend?
Am I someone you ignore?
Am I Annoying?
Am I Hopeless?

I feel like crying every time I hear the song, More Then Just Friends - 3LW. I think to myself, why does it matter? Are we even friends? Does he even think of me as a friend? Does He think I'm annoying? Is he avoiding me? Does he wish I would just leave him alone? Am I that ugly? Should I just forget about hope? Should i forget about guys? Should I just forget about that guy? There's so many more questions I can ask. But they can never be answered.

I feel hopeless. I feel ignored. I feel like we're just so right for each other. We almost like all the same things. Well, now that I think about it, its not that much. but it's more then I've ever known from any other guy. Not even my Ex matches it. But, then again, I guess we're just not meant to be. If we were, then god will let it happen. And if not, then god will find someone else for me, I guess..

And you know what, I talk about my feelings a lot. Should I really share it to the world? But then again, I have nothing to hide.

last night..

I couldn't sleep last night. My sister and I were talking about her and her Ex-boyfriend like all night. well, i finally talked her out of thinking so much. Or I would have heard her crying her eyes out all night long.

Hmm, After that, I almost fell asleep and then like some dream popped up in my mind. I was a club or party of some sort. And I was dancing with this guy I like. It was weird, cause I don't dance, especially not in public. Then I just couldn't fall asleep again. so basically I didn't sleep all night.

I woke up at my normal time today, at 6:45. Even though I know that today was late day, I know know why I still woke up that early. Oh well, I just used the extra hour to take a LONG hot shower, do a better hairstyle. I even remembered to wear earrings today(:

Well another thing I'm kinda clueless about. Is it true that guy's are clueless, and that no matter how many clues a girl hints on them, they won't get it? I'm just wondering cause one of my guy friends told me that, and I think it's just weird. I don't believe all guy's are like that.

OMGosh, I had to type this post like two time, you know why? cause my computer restarted. Well like i said on the other one, Should I upload my drawings? Maybe later, cause SOMEONE wants to use my computer again. (RAY) the dude that killed my computer and made it restart in the first place.

Will I ever..

Hmm, what to talk about today..

Well, nothing exciting happened today. Oh, and Michael(if your reading this) I'm sorry that my friend Joyce bumped into you. It's not her fault, it was Tiffany's. So anyways, my friend Tiffany got my hope's up about some guy today. Ugh! but then my other friend Ernest brought it back down by telling me that she's lieing, or that she's not telling the truth. So, now I'm like stuck in the middle. Ha Ha, crushes are painful, but yet not as painful as relationships.

When I get home, I'll upload the pictures that I drew like on Friday and today. I don't know why, but even though I'm not looking forward to any relationships any time soon, I still have a crush... do you think that's weird?... or I'm just weird...

101707
Just scanned my pictures.


Will I ever...
Will I ever know why I love you?
Will I ever be noticed?
Will I ever be loved?
Will I ever get to talk to you?
Will I ever get to see you again?
Will I ever win your heart?
Will I ever obtain your love?
Will I ever be the angel in your eyes?
Will I ever Be loved by you for eternity?
Will I ever get the answer's to these questions?
(to be continued, as long as I live..)

laters..(missing you..)

OMGoshers! My computer won't freakin' work! I mean, my Internet is dead!): Right now I'm using my sister's Internet. Little bit, I have to go to class, so I'll probably update at my cousin's house tonight. Peace out!^^V

7:12

I'm using my cousin Lily's computer. Her&I were just making add ons for yearbooks. I made one for her, but I don't know what to put on it just yet. Well, right now, I have a major headache, tummy ache & my throat freakin' hurts.

Missing you

I sit and wonder when we meet again.
i really, really miss you, but then,
i know there is no hope between us.

Walk up to me if you believe in us,
my world would change then it's just,
you and me for all eternity though.
^ wow, that was crappy, I'll edit it later, cause right now, I'm not really in the mood. I'm just too sad.

Alone

In fifth period, i had to take a stupid writhing final. i was so freaking hard. i basicly just BSed everthing. seriously, i couldnt read anything. hmm, and in sixth period, i got taged all over. im basicly a year bookXD

then after school, i walked around and watch people sign yearbooks.

i'll continue later, i have church.

10:35

so well yea, I was walking, and got people to sign my backpack. After that, I was suppose to go home, and wait for Ray to come to my house so we can walk to church, but NO!, my sis wanted to stay after school. So I had to stayed at school waiting till four. She freaking took my house key's. Oh, and my other two friends, Joyce and Tiffany went to Tiffany's place to do a power point. I was just waiting at school, alone. I was bored so I drew pictures. I'll upload them in here later, like tomorrow.

Then at church, we worshiped&sang songs. Enough, Hungry,and All I need. So after that, we separated into our groups, and in my group, we wrote a letter to ourself. Kathy said that she'll send it to us in two years or so. I can't wait till it comes. I wonder how much I will change(:

I think thats all, thats how my day went. Alright I guess, I just wish my day dream came true. Even though I know it will never happen, but there hopes, I have to keep them up, you'll never know, it MIGHT just happen.

Today and drawings

Hmm, today was an alright day I guess. I FINALLY did my presentations(: I did good i guess. but my essay was BAD. I got a C. Well nothing happened today. Nothing special I can remember.

Here's some drawings I've recently drew:


^I was Bored in class, so I started drawingXD


^I was listening to music, and I just drew this.(:


^I created this for a English assignment. It's My coat of arms.


^I was drew this at lunch today.(:

Stressed and depressed

I don't know what to think anymore,
I don't even know why I'm here for.
Nothing i do seems to go right,
Everything around me, squeezing me tight.

The one I like can't even see me,
The one I loved, is crazy over me.
I can't seem to control my time,
Everything coming after me like a crime.

My architecture teacher is being gay,
I don't even know what to say.
I have a presentation due tomorrow,
But I can't find any info to follow.

I am getting over stressed,
Not only stress but depressed.
I really don't know what to think anymore,
Seriously, what am I here for?

Tired.. poem: Invisible

It's 1:45 in the morning, I'm so freakin' tired. Stayed up till now doing my crappy PowerPoint and essay. I didn't even do my homework): oh well I'll do it in first period. I did such a crappy job on my PowerPoint. Same with the essay. oh well.. there goes my B+. I have no freakin' clue why I'm still writing in here. nights, or good morning you can say(:


4:04PM

Invisible
Am I invisible In your eye?
Can you see me when I past by?
I won't blame you, if you don't,
I don't know why, but i just wont.

But I do hope one day you'll see,
What kind of person i can be.

^I started to write this in 5 period and I finished it after school, during 7th period.

Smile

This was the first time, in a while.
See you look at me with that smile.
Just the smile, you brighten my day,
I hope you always smile my way.

Please always keep that smile on,
So my brighten day will never be gone.

^SMILE!^^

Me and my problems:/

Today was an alright day, I guess. I got a SUPER bad grade on my math test. It was like the worst grade I've ever gotten. 2.5 out of 32, can you believe that? I tried too. But then my architecture made me happy again. I got an 80 out of 75(;

I'll update more later. Peace ^^V

5:10
I'm back from Joyce's house(:

And on my way home, I was thinking to myself.. whats wrong with me? How come I don't eat as much as I use to? Even when I'm SUPER hungry, the second I get the food, and open my mouth, I don't have the appetite anymore. The other thing is that, when I'm in class, I can't seem to pay attention. My mind is like dead. It's like all I want is to get out of class. And during that time, I feel like I can't breathe, like i have to take really DEEP breathes just to breathe. It's so weird. I think I need to see the doctor or something. Oh, and one more thing, I can't seem to walk straight when I'm walking on the sidewalk. UGH!, I Really Need To See The Doctor.

5:38
I want to be a child again.
Just a little before love begin.
I want to be carefree like before,
A carefree childhood's what I wish for.

But now that I've past that stage,
I can't seem to turn back the page.
I know that my books just begun,
And it's a long time till it's done.

I have many blank pages ahead of me,
But I still want things the way it use to be.

This feeling

Can't tell whether I'm happy or sad,
This feeling inside hurts pretty bad.
An emotion that's out of control,
Like something evil captured my soul.

Can someone explain whats going on,
hurry and explain before it's gone.

^I have no clue what i really just wrote, but its true about the painful feeling.

~.:Here's another poem I wrote for class(R&J):.~

Oh have me killed rather then love,
Jump off a plane from high above.
Or take me away to a far away place,
Or leave me floating free in space.
Forbid me to eat when it's needed,
And none these words my be repeated.
Take away the music I listen to,
Or forbid me to do what i want to do.
Make me do my homework all day,
Or force me to do everything your way.
Take away my life if you dare,
And I would do it without fear.
I better start before it begin,
Falling in love with you again.

:Picture I Drew:



^You want the interesting story behind this picture is? I was at Chinese school yesterday, and like I looked at the chalkboard.(You know how there's still little chalk dust on the board after you wiped it?) from far away I see chalk dust, but I went up close and I saw this image. I traced it on the board and then drew it on paper. Scary experience for me. What to you think the picture means?

First Day

I found this site yesterday. So I don't really know how to work this site yet. I was just looking for a site that I can just type my feelings out when I need to. Sometimes I just have to write out my feelings in order to feel better. my life maybe boring, but to me its hard. So far, I know how to work the post and the editing background. I'll catch up soon.(:

060207 6:49

Here I am, repeating my childhood.
Wondering how far I will get in life.
Just when I finally thought I moved on from childish love,
I am back again.