Come think back on life, who really did the mess-ups? Was it me that caused everything for myself? Or was it the people that are around me? What can I do to make my life today and my tomorrowS mucho better? I know that living the way I am today isn't going to help me any further. Not that it has ever halped me before. But the question is... why can't I do anything about myself? As if my worst enemy is myself. I feel like as if i've lost total control of myself. I always seem to let the people around me push me around. I don't have the curage to stand up for myself.
I know more then you all think I know. For some odd reason, when it comes to putting into action, I don't budge. I just want everyone to know that I am trying my very best to move on with my life. I also don't want to lose the people that I have around me. If I continue to live the way I do today, I will lose ALL my closest friends. Even though the say that their not going to leave me now, but watch; when I get annoying enough... their all ganna want to just kill me.
I'm scared. And still I can't and won't do anything about it. People are starting to talk shit behind my back, but they all think I don't know scrap about it. Well guess again. I know more then you think I do. I know that I may have some bad habits and it annoys people, but do know that I'm not doing it on purpose. To tell you the truth, I don't even know why there are people out in this world that HATE my living guts. What have I ever done to them? You tell me, What have I ever done to you?
Sammi ; Why do you hate me? What Have I ever done to you? All I did was TRY to help you and Bryan. And you know what I get back? Hate. You make think I don't know anything, but I KNOW you hate me. You keep thinking that I'm trying to take Bryan away from you, but I'm not. I never even done anything like that. I will NEVER use someone as a re-bound. and exspecially not my friends boy-friend. If I really wanted to use a guy as a re-bound, I would have don't so a LONG time ago. Just think about that.
Quyen ; From the beginning, I wanted to be your friend. And maybe it was the first impression that made our relationship rockyy. Whatever it is, I'm sorry. What I don't get is... why don't you trust Alex? with me... We've been best friends since our break-up and even before then. So I'm not trying to take him away from you by saying we're best friends. Alex loves you for you. You need to trust that. There were SO many times, that we apoigized to eachother... and said that we'd be friends. But for some reason, it always falls apart. I gave you my trust... and you seem to break them every time.
Seriously, I don't know what made me seem like such a bad girl to you guys... but If you know me well enough... I'm not like that. I just don't like it when people try to rub stuff in my face. It makes me feel LOWer then I already am. I hope you guys don't take this the wrong way, and talk behind my back again and about this post. I'm really trying my best to hold all the pain&&anger in. I'm sorry EVERYONE for all the annoyance and for all the time that was wasted.
I want everyone to know... It's really not easy being me. This is my life and I know you all have hard times too. Just understand... I'm ganna need a LOT of time... getting over the "first's.. of everything in my life" If you can, please bare with me.
I'm Sorry EVERYONE!
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2 comments:
i don't hate u because of wat u think thats only like the smalles t part of it. its cuz we are all jux sick and tired of all the drama that u create when u don't get along wif kuyen. i mean i act the same way sometimes wif bryan and his friend ships wif angie and ashely. but then me and erika are jux very tired of it and everytime u complain to bryan ur taking up his time that he can spend talking to me. i mean i spend so little time wif him and sinc eu complain to him cuz hes the only one not annoyed now its taking his time away from me. plus u kno he used to like u. its the same reason y kuyen doesn't like u. cuz u tend to get kinda clingy. i mean i lost joyce to u already i dont' want to lose bryan too. since kuyen and alex can avoid u its all good but then me and bryan can't advoid u. so its like ur ruining things for us.
you know. quyen once told me that she asked you to promise her that you wouldnt talk to alex late at night. YOU promised HER. and guess what? YOU broke that promise.
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