I'm back ! And it starts all over again; but worst.

I'm back ! :D

That was the most awesome family vacation ever! I think I'm ganna go back to visit them again in two years. Even though people there don't have any manners there what to ever, and the fact that they smoke everywhere.. and the air is humid and stuffy... it was still fun.

After 2 weeks of vacationing, i feel much more eased about all the drama in the past. And then I came back to my life. Now I'm living though the toughest problem I've ever encountered. Even though this problem doesn't really have anything to do with me, I still take it in as my own. You know why? It's because this problem involves with two people that are most dear to me. The one I love, and my loving cousin. I know that he's wrong, but no matter what, he's still my cousin, no matter now great or crap he is. If he isn't scared to go to jail, I'm scared for him. I know all this is hurting him deep inside. I can feel his pain. It haunts me in my sleep. When he's not okay, I can feel it. His problems become my problems.

We this differently, and still we feel the same pain. I know that he might not feel me hurting, but I can feel his pain. I understand the pain he's going though.

Right now, I really can care less about you coming back to me. Cause at this point, I really don't think I have a chance anymore. I just want you to know that this isn't worth it. I know that you see this as the best and worst thing that has ever happened in your life. but trust me, if you don't go down that dark path... you will live to laugh about all this. I know you are lost right now, you are confused on what to do next. All you know, is... "I love Quyen, I need to get her back"

Is it worth it?... To throw your life down the drain, not being able to get her back, not being able to apply for a job, not being able to support a family. Is that really the life you want to live? Think about it, Is it really worth it? Cause if it was me, I'd rather go though loving someone painfully for the rest of my life, then to throw it all down the drain.

You say your 18 already. Yes I am aware of that, your not a little boy anymore. But why are you still playing such little boy games? always taking the easier way out. Be a man and start taking care of things the right way. And yes, you kinda are running out of time to find another girl. But then you have to think about it this way... your five girlfriends... were high school love. What about college? Have you forgotten about that? And you say you want a family with her right? don't you think thats a little too soon? cause seriously, 18 is WAY too young. A 19 year old girl is too young to be a mother. Do you really think shes even old enough yet? she's only 17.

And do you know HOW much responsibility you have to carry as a father? Where's your job? without a job, you don't have money, and no money means no home&food&&anything to take care of the baby. Yes; the mother can work, but then who takes care of the baby? hire a babysitter? which also uses money. Do you really think its that easy? yes; it is easy to make a baby, but what about all the responsibility that comes behind it? You can't just throw them all away. Then there IS no family.

You tell me, Is it really worth it? you tell me ! I set my own feelings aside for yours. And sometimes I feel like you don't even give a crap about it. you deny the truth. You don't want to believe all this is happening, I know it's hard. I know that there is hate. Alex...? Life isn't fair. Trust me, it may seem hard now, but it just gets harder. Feelings grow, and they fade; even AFTER marriage. and even after 20 years of marriage. So you tell me, is it still worth it? This is just teenage love. Get over it okay? It's hard, and its ganna take time. Hold on, and be strong. I'm right there with you.