the true pain.

Its finally 2008. I can never have him again. I have finally realized the truth. I still love alex. I still love him very much. I cant let go of the fact that he has gone. I am nothing tohim but a best friend. I can't have a day of peace without how so called "girlfriend" calling him up in the middle, just so he can go home to her. He's totally in her hands. He's afraid of her. He's afraid that she's going to yell at him. Whats so wrong with hanging out with his bestfriend? ijust want to spend some time with him. i was hoping that i can finally know the truth today, if he would ever love me back. if he will ever come back to me. i need him. i regret ever breaking up with him. only if i gave him a 4th chance. then i wouldnt have got myself into this mess. now, i am nothing but a freind. i cant ever be anything more. i feel so lost. i was scared to kow the truth today. i knew i relized its to late. i cant stop thinking about him. i cant stop staring at him. i know he wants to spend his last year of high school drama free. so i will try to do that for him. every time i see him, i will try not to think about the fact we cant ver be. i will make it easy for him so that he doesnt feel like he's miss treating his "girlfriend". he has learned his lession, not to cheat on his girlfriend. atleast 2 years of my life didnt go down the drain, but helped a guy learn his lession. but still why me? why cant i have something special. and like not screw ever thing up by my stupid misunderstandings. i thought i didnt love him anymore because i liked another guy. but was wrong. at the point in time, i was falling deeper in love. i took the wrong step and this is where it got me. atleast were still friends i guess. nothing will ever be the same. my feelings will never go away.