Don't Wanna close my eyes - Aerosmith<3
Even though I wasn't there for the last dance, I can imagine everyone slow dancing, hugging, and kissing the ones they love. What hurts the most about that image is seeing the one I like... kiss his girlfriend. It makes me feel so bad. Not only does it hurt cause I like him, also because I like her boyfriend. Which makes me feel like... a bad friend, bad girl. I'm sorry _ _ _ _ _ _ _&_ _ _ _ _. I can't help myself but like him. I don't want to tell him how I feel cause I don't want to know that he will never talk to me ever again cause of the truth. I'm just going to lave things the way it is. Even no matter how much it hurts. And maybe, just maybe... I still have to think about it... I’ll tell him on the last day of school... or maybe his birthday. I don't know. I can’t get the image out of my head. It hurts to see him with his girl. But I can’t do anything about it. I want to say I’m happy for them, but I don't feel like I have the right so say that cause that would be lying. One of my friends told me... I should have asked him for a dance yesterday... but I said... it would be too awkward. And how would his girlfriend feel? She would probably hate me for life. Not that I don't think she doesn’t already. sigh. But we kinda matched yesterday. We were both wearing black(: All I have to say is. I'm sorry _ _ _ _ _ _ _&_ _ _ _ _ I just like him.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Monday, October 1, 2007
not only hopeless, im useless.
Im not only hopeless. I'm also useless.
I have proof. Cause my parents even said so! Im nothing to them now. I cant do anything right anymore. Everything i do , they never like. Everything I say is wrong to them. i dotn know what to do. I dont know iuf i should be pissed at my parents for calling me stupid and useless or should i be sad that they hate me now. I cant even call my paretns daddy&mommy..
read my convo with alex. i'll only paste mine.'
Auto Response from XxLadySw33tzxX (7:44:17 PM): leave me alone!
I fucking hate my parents right now!
what the fuck is their problem calling me stupid!
Iam i really THAT useless?!?!?
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:50:33 PM): my parents hate me.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:50:40 PM): they wont even look at me.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:26 PM): long stroy.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:33 PM): i dont want to talk about it
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:41 PM): i cant even say sry
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:44 PM): i dont know wat to do
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:55 PM): i feel like i lost my parents
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:58 PM): both at opnce.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:53:43 PM): we went to the car place... cause there was a prob about the new car
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:53:45 PM): annd like yea
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:53:51 PM): i was translating..
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:53:53 PM): yea yea yea..
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:54:11 PM): somehow my mom called me stupid and useless..
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:54:30 PM): and isaid out lourd that "fine, call me stupid,""
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:54:41 PM): then they got piss
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:54:44 PM): and i was crying
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:10 PM): i cant smile!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:17 PM): there nothing to smile about alex!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:23 PM): im just GUH!!!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:29 PM): i cant take this
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:35 PM): everythings to fustrating!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:40 PM): i hate this!!!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:53 PM): i cant hande all this stress
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:01 PM): i havnt even started hw
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:07 PM): im not going to do it!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:14 PM): i dont think immma eat dinner either
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:24 PM): they probably wont even let me eat
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:38 PM): im useless to them,
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:40 PM): im nothing
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:57 PM): they said they rather pay someone to help than as me
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:57:24 PM): and that i wont have to visit then when they go to retirment
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:57:30 PM): that im dont care about them
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:57:41 PM): i never said al that crap!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:57:46 PM): they just think that!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:57:57 PM): all i said was what my mom called me.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:58:02 PM): WTF@
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:58:28 PM): im useless!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:58:32 PM): im hopeless!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:58:34 PM): im nothign!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:58:58 PM): forget it. i dont want to get you all wryied.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:59:48 PM): i dont care anymore
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:00:04 PM): fine. but i wont promise
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:00:12 PM): no
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:00:26 PM): i said no.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:00:59 PM): i WONT promise...
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:01:08 PM): what part dont you understand
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:01:09 PM): ?
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:01:54 PM): no.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:02:22 PM): i'll do so if my paretns say so.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:02:43 PM): if they even talk to me,
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:03:15 PM): i want my parents right now! they hate me for goodness sakes
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:03:27 PM): im their daughter
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:04:20 PM): i cant even call my mommy .. mommy
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:04:27 PM): she said not to calll her that
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:04:57 PM): no
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:05:06 PM): i dont feel like it
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:05:44 PM): are you trying to make me feel even worst?
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:05:51 PM): its not that your nothing
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:06:03 PM): its i wasnt to know my parents still care.!
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:06:19 PM): if not.. their just ganna leave me sitting here all nights
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:06:29 PM): their not even ganna care if i eat or not
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:06:51 PM): if they do care. then they will tell me to eat.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:09:48 PM): your trying to make me feel worst
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:10:12 PM): i promise you, that ill eat and do hw.. if they tell me too.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:11:03 PM): i know
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:11:21 PM): who wouldnt.. but i dont know about my parents
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:11:28 PM): i dont think they even care.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:11:50 PM): were having hotpot todat, my mom makes the food.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:12:10 PM): we can start now if wanted..
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:12:21 PM): but my daddy still havnt called dinner
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:12:30 PM): i dotn know.
^you might not get what i was talking about, but yea. you get the main point.
I guess i'll just have to TRY my best and obay their orders. I'm just worried that were not ganna talk for like.. a long time.. and then they finally decide to kick me out. i dont know. I just want my parents back. i dont like to think about what happen to my friends mom.. and see that similar in my family but both paretns... sigh. I hate this so much! its fustrating. Why do they have to put me thoguh so much pressure.!
its after dinner. my dads talknig about early death i think.. or something like he's not going to be here anymore after i get out of collage. i think its fustrated.. but he wsnt mean and not talking to me. thats why i love my daddy more, cause he's nicer and understanding. my mom on the other hand.. hates me to death right now. she just told me she doesnt want to see my face right now. and if im doing my hw.. go somewhere else. so ihave to turn my comp off now. i didnt get to wait for him tonight. oh well.. like anythings ganna make it better.. sigh.
I have proof. Cause my parents even said so! Im nothing to them now. I cant do anything right anymore. Everything i do , they never like. Everything I say is wrong to them. i dotn know what to do. I dont know iuf i should be pissed at my parents for calling me stupid and useless or should i be sad that they hate me now. I cant even call my paretns daddy&mommy..
read my convo with alex. i'll only paste mine.'
Auto Response from XxLadySw33tzxX (7:44:17 PM): leave me alone!
I fucking hate my parents right now!
what the fuck is their problem calling me stupid!
Iam i really THAT useless?!?!?
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:50:33 PM): my parents hate me.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:50:40 PM): they wont even look at me.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:26 PM): long stroy.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:33 PM): i dont want to talk about it
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:41 PM): i cant even say sry
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:44 PM): i dont know wat to do
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:55 PM): i feel like i lost my parents
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:51:58 PM): both at opnce.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:53:43 PM): we went to the car place... cause there was a prob about the new car
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:53:45 PM): annd like yea
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:53:51 PM): i was translating..
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:53:53 PM): yea yea yea..
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:54:11 PM): somehow my mom called me stupid and useless..
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:54:30 PM): and isaid out lourd that "fine, call me stupid,""
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:54:41 PM): then they got piss
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:54:44 PM): and i was crying
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:10 PM): i cant smile!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:17 PM): there nothing to smile about alex!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:23 PM): im just GUH!!!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:29 PM): i cant take this
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:35 PM): everythings to fustrating!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:40 PM): i hate this!!!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:55:53 PM): i cant hande all this stress
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:01 PM): i havnt even started hw
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:07 PM): im not going to do it!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:14 PM): i dont think immma eat dinner either
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:24 PM): they probably wont even let me eat
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:38 PM): im useless to them,
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:40 PM): im nothing
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:56:57 PM): they said they rather pay someone to help than as me
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:57:24 PM): and that i wont have to visit then when they go to retirment
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:57:30 PM): that im dont care about them
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:57:41 PM): i never said al that crap!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:57:46 PM): they just think that!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:57:57 PM): all i said was what my mom called me.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:58:02 PM): WTF@
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:58:28 PM): im useless!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:58:32 PM): im hopeless!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:58:34 PM): im nothign!
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:58:58 PM): forget it. i dont want to get you all wryied.
XxLadySw33tzxX (7:59:48 PM): i dont care anymore
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:00:04 PM): fine. but i wont promise
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:00:12 PM): no
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:00:26 PM): i said no.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:00:59 PM): i WONT promise...
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:01:08 PM): what part dont you understand
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:01:09 PM): ?
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:01:54 PM): no.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:02:22 PM): i'll do so if my paretns say so.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:02:43 PM): if they even talk to me,
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:03:15 PM): i want my parents right now! they hate me for goodness sakes
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:03:27 PM): im their daughter
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:04:20 PM): i cant even call my mommy .. mommy
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:04:27 PM): she said not to calll her that
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:04:57 PM): no
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:05:06 PM): i dont feel like it
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:05:44 PM): are you trying to make me feel even worst?
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:05:51 PM): its not that your nothing
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:06:03 PM): its i wasnt to know my parents still care.!
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:06:19 PM): if not.. their just ganna leave me sitting here all nights
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:06:29 PM): their not even ganna care if i eat or not
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:06:51 PM): if they do care. then they will tell me to eat.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:09:48 PM): your trying to make me feel worst
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:10:12 PM): i promise you, that ill eat and do hw.. if they tell me too.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:11:03 PM): i know
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:11:21 PM): who wouldnt.. but i dont know about my parents
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:11:28 PM): i dont think they even care.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:11:50 PM): were having hotpot todat, my mom makes the food.
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:12:10 PM): we can start now if wanted..
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:12:21 PM): but my daddy still havnt called dinner
XxLadySw33tzxX (8:12:30 PM): i dotn know.
^you might not get what i was talking about, but yea. you get the main point.
I guess i'll just have to TRY my best and obay their orders. I'm just worried that were not ganna talk for like.. a long time.. and then they finally decide to kick me out. i dont know. I just want my parents back. i dont like to think about what happen to my friends mom.. and see that similar in my family but both paretns... sigh. I hate this so much! its fustrating. Why do they have to put me thoguh so much pressure.!
its after dinner. my dads talknig about early death i think.. or something like he's not going to be here anymore after i get out of collage. i think its fustrated.. but he wsnt mean and not talking to me. thats why i love my daddy more, cause he's nicer and understanding. my mom on the other hand.. hates me to death right now. she just told me she doesnt want to see my face right now. and if im doing my hw.. go somewhere else. so ihave to turn my comp off now. i didnt get to wait for him tonight. oh well.. like anythings ganna make it better.. sigh.
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