Wednesday, March 17, 2010
March 16, 2010 - worst of luck
It's so ironic how today is St. Patricks day, the day of luck. Yesterdays just couldnt get any worst... something in my life finally ended. I honestly think that I'm handleing this pretty well because i know i dont want to annoy people around me even more than i already have. So far, its only assumtions that something has happened and only my sister knows the truth but not whole truth. i don't think even i know the whole truth. i think life will be fine after a while, and I will not make the same mistakes again. there is a part of me that will feel like shit, and i know that will never change, but you know what? i think i will do very well on my own for now. I'm not planning to change this, cause i have to adapt ... (im going on and on about nothing now, cause i dotn feel like telling the world what happened... but i still neeed to keep a record of soemthing. i think that when people read it they might have a slight clue of what im talking about, but you know, i dont want to me the one to say so. even though when people do read this, its like i said so, so whatever. I feel like im talking too much on and on about nohting.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Dear loving friends
What can I say, It's driving me crazy ! i think there is soemthing wrong with my LITERALLY, cause I can't seem to remember things very well, and my imagery is going crazy too. Here is what I have to say to those that apply: *i never got the chance to say*
I'm sorry i said that thing i did about your father last time, i didn't mean to it just happened. I'm Sorry for the things isaid about your boyfriend, i shouldn't have said because i dont even know him. And honestly, what is happening to us? We use to tell eachother everything, and now its as if i dont even exist. Everyone knows about him except me, im sure every one gets to meet or have met him before I. I don't even know how he looks like..... When i walk by you, we have nothing to say, When you go out with friends, I'm mostly never there. i understand that its none of my business, but thats cause im never incuded. Correct me if im wrong, because I really dont want to think this way ! i dont want to believe that things is reality. i have so much more to say that just isnt coming to mind. I'm jealous of my sister, shes always there when you have something to say, and Im always just home cause i have no where else to go. she gets to be one of the first to meet him as i never even MET him or even know his name til i over heard. you cant expect me to know without telling me. And im sure if you told me, i'll pay attention, if i wasnt i HIGHLY doubt that 100% of the times you tell me something im not listening ! you are one of the two people i NEVER want to lose, and at this point, i feel like i have already lost you, even though you tel me i havnt. You know, when Ramos came into our lives, i felt like there was some hope in bonding us back together. just look at what happened.. where is he now? i have lost almost all hope. Please tell me that I still have hope. cause i really need to hear it from you. if you dont like me, please just say so cause i rather have the truth then things said to make me feel better.
And you! everything was okay when you called friday evening. And then hell broke out! i call you at 9 to tel you i was home safe and sound. you know what i get from you? "i'll call you back later, im playing poker." i believed your words. and wake up to find that you never called me. you use to call me no matter how late it is, just to tell me that your home. What happened to that guy!? Saturday morning. I waited all morning for your call and it never came. 1pm, I called as you told me, "I'll cal you back later, i'm out with alan and wilson." i reply okay, i waited for 5 hours, and around 6, I called again, getting, "I'll call you back, i'm going to out and eat with alan and wilson." so i waited again. it was almost 10 and i was thinking to myself, 3 hours should be enough time to eat dinner right? , so i called again at 10, "I'll call you tomorrow morning, I'm still out." i was pissed. i waited until i can wait no longer. So i fell asleep. Wake up in the morning, at dim sum, and ended around 11. I knew you went out late last night so i thought i'll just let you sleep till 11-12 or so. I call you and no answer. it was 1pm when i call you AGAIN! over and over... all morning, day, and night.... i kept CALLING and calling... still no replay. frist it was ringing, and twords the middle, it went straight to voice mail. I was worried that somthing has happened to you. I thought maybe you were in the hospital from a car accident... i called alan and wilson, both of them has no clue where you were. at 7 you tell me you were BUSY ! and that you'll see me today after school. i asked if you cared to tell me what you were so fucken busy with and you tell me youll tell me today ! i as you if you were still to busy to pick up my calls last night, and you tell me yea. WHAT in the HELL where you fucken doing that was SO important that you cant even talk to me ?!
Monday, 01 25 10. waiting for alex to come see me and explain to me what the hell is going on. still waiting... he never came. asked him where was he, and this si what he tells me he to BUSY to talk to me for, "mistuhleung: Alan and wilson remember?
xxladysw33tzxx: sunday too ?
mistuhleung: Sunday i slept then went out with some friends. New ones i met at school. Just some guys." I believe you. BUT WHAT THE HELL ?! TOO BUSY DOING HW I WOULD BELIEVE BUT FRIENDS!? TO BUSY TO EVEN TALK TO ME?! WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF THEM FINDING OUT YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?! WHAT THE FUCK!
i'll continue to rant later, i have a life to contuniue living ! if i even decide to live any longer -.- !
and just so you know alex, I dressed up yesterday AND today for you ! and i get shot down BOTH fucken days ! good luck with your midterm ! you fail it, i'll kill you ! BUSY my ass !
I'm sorry i said that thing i did about your father last time, i didn't mean to it just happened. I'm Sorry for the things isaid about your boyfriend, i shouldn't have said because i dont even know him. And honestly, what is happening to us? We use to tell eachother everything, and now its as if i dont even exist. Everyone knows about him except me, im sure every one gets to meet or have met him before I. I don't even know how he looks like..... When i walk by you, we have nothing to say, When you go out with friends, I'm mostly never there. i understand that its none of my business, but thats cause im never incuded. Correct me if im wrong, because I really dont want to think this way ! i dont want to believe that things is reality. i have so much more to say that just isnt coming to mind. I'm jealous of my sister, shes always there when you have something to say, and Im always just home cause i have no where else to go. she gets to be one of the first to meet him as i never even MET him or even know his name til i over heard. you cant expect me to know without telling me. And im sure if you told me, i'll pay attention, if i wasnt i HIGHLY doubt that 100% of the times you tell me something im not listening ! you are one of the two people i NEVER want to lose, and at this point, i feel like i have already lost you, even though you tel me i havnt. You know, when Ramos came into our lives, i felt like there was some hope in bonding us back together. just look at what happened.. where is he now? i have lost almost all hope. Please tell me that I still have hope. cause i really need to hear it from you. if you dont like me, please just say so cause i rather have the truth then things said to make me feel better.
And you! everything was okay when you called friday evening. And then hell broke out! i call you at 9 to tel you i was home safe and sound. you know what i get from you? "i'll call you back later, im playing poker." i believed your words. and wake up to find that you never called me. you use to call me no matter how late it is, just to tell me that your home. What happened to that guy!? Saturday morning. I waited all morning for your call and it never came. 1pm, I called as you told me, "I'll cal you back later, i'm out with alan and wilson." i reply okay, i waited for 5 hours, and around 6, I called again, getting, "I'll call you back, i'm going to out and eat with alan and wilson." so i waited again. it was almost 10 and i was thinking to myself, 3 hours should be enough time to eat dinner right? , so i called again at 10, "I'll call you tomorrow morning, I'm still out." i was pissed. i waited until i can wait no longer. So i fell asleep. Wake up in the morning, at dim sum, and ended around 11. I knew you went out late last night so i thought i'll just let you sleep till 11-12 or so. I call you and no answer. it was 1pm when i call you AGAIN! over and over... all morning, day, and night.... i kept CALLING and calling... still no replay. frist it was ringing, and twords the middle, it went straight to voice mail. I was worried that somthing has happened to you. I thought maybe you were in the hospital from a car accident... i called alan and wilson, both of them has no clue where you were. at 7 you tell me you were BUSY ! and that you'll see me today after school. i asked if you cared to tell me what you were so fucken busy with and you tell me youll tell me today ! i as you if you were still to busy to pick up my calls last night, and you tell me yea. WHAT in the HELL where you fucken doing that was SO important that you cant even talk to me ?!
Monday, 01 25 10. waiting for alex to come see me and explain to me what the hell is going on. still waiting... he never came. asked him where was he, and this si what he tells me he to BUSY to talk to me for, "mistuhleung: Alan and wilson remember?
xxladysw33tzxx: sunday too ?
mistuhleung: Sunday i slept then went out with some friends. New ones i met at school. Just some guys." I believe you. BUT WHAT THE HELL ?! TOO BUSY DOING HW I WOULD BELIEVE BUT FRIENDS!? TO BUSY TO EVEN TALK TO ME?! WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF THEM FINDING OUT YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?! WHAT THE FUCK!
i'll continue to rant later, i have a life to contuniue living ! if i even decide to live any longer -.- !
and just so you know alex, I dressed up yesterday AND today for you ! and i get shot down BOTH fucken days ! good luck with your midterm ! you fail it, i'll kill you ! BUSY my ass !
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
