I really don't know what to say or expect. I just go along with whatevers' going on.
When you have no time for me; I will always have time for you.
When you're too busy for me; I can make time for you.
When you say you love me; I love you more then that.
When you're out having a blast; I'm sitting here surviving.
When you're with her; I stand here watching you.
When you're down in the dumps; I'm here to cheer you up.
When you need someone to talk to; I'm here to listen.
I live everyday, waiting for the second I get to see you again.
I live everyday, waiting for the second I get to hear your voice again.
I live every moment wondering; how much you love me. (I know)
The day you leave; Is the day I say... "I told you so"
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
I'm nothing.
I'm nothing but a broken wing
a lovely voice that just cant sing.
everything I touch seems to break
as if its all unreal and fake.
a lovely voice that just cant sing.
everything I touch seems to break
as if its all unreal and fake.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Feelings: something I wrote like 4 years ago.
10.18.05
I told you that I loved you… but you don’t believe me. You kept asking me why but the truth is, I don’t know why. I do know I do know that I’m not making any of this up. I really do love you. The feeling of being without you makes me feel like I’m a walking zombie, like I came back from the dead. You know what I mean? People say the reason why I don’t know why is probably because I don’t know you as well as I think I do. I’m beginning to believe that’s true. I’m beginning to believe a lot of things that I never thought would be true.
Now I’m more confused then I was before. It seems that I get more and more confused each and everyday. As I find a new answer to pair with one of my questions, I always seem to have another question. But right now, the only question that I want answered is “why do I love you?” My answer is because you care for me, you treat me right, and you’re cute too. In my eyes, I see a sweet, cute, caring guy. I know there are many things that you’ve done wrong but I see past all that. I love the way you laugh and smile. I love the way you make me feel inside. I feel so safe when you’re around. You are my knight in shining armor, my prince from a far away kingdom.
The first time Lily told me that you don’t really love me anymore; I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to think anymore. For the last few days, I couldn’t stop crying. I feel like I understand life a lot better. Life is full of questions and I don’t think I can ever answer them all in m life time. I love you Alex and I really do mean it. I swear to god I do. I miss you Alex, so very much. So what do I do now? Try and get over you or do I keep refusing to and just love you even though you don’t?
Can you tell me that you believe me that I love you now? I told you something didn’t I? And every last word of it is true. I have more to say, when you smile I smile. Just hearing your voice makes me smile. Everything about you makes me happy. And not just that, its you that makes me happy. As time pass, I feel that I’m getting to know you better, and that’s a good thing. I do want to know you better.
Right now, I’m thinking about the first time we talked to each other. The first time I saw you. The first time I talked to you in person. And what our first words were. “Hey!” and “My skins blacker then yours.” That day was my dreams come true. A while back, I would save all the convocations that we use to have. I read them again now and then and I can see how different I was. And how different it was when we talked. Before, I would tell you like every little detail that’s happening in my daily life. And now it’s like I have nothing to say. But I do have something to say. Actually I have a lot to say. But when I start talking to you, it’s like I have nothing to say… like I just spaced out or something.
Ever since I talked to you yesterday, I feel like I can talk to you about anything once again. But there are still some parts of me that are still a bit afraid and that’s not a good sign. I feel that you are someone I can trust, someone that I can live forever with, someone that I can trust to hold and keep my heart and not break it. There are a lot of reasons why I love you; I guess that I just didn’t know where to search for those answers.
Like I keep saying, there are so many reasons why I love you. I know there all in front of me. But I’m just too stupid, too blind to see it. I do see part of it now. You’re everything to me, someone that I can trust and give my heart to. You can make me laugh and smile from anything you do. That’s what I want. I want someone that can make me smile, make me happy, know how to cheer me up, even when you know deep inside I’m really not okay. And you should know that you make everything better.
That someone is you. You’re the one that makes me happy, laugh when I don’t really feel like it, and smile when I’m sad. I should actually thank you for always caring and always being there for me.
10.19.05
I’m feeling better today. I remember the day before when my teacher told me to try and ignore you. I need to let you talk to me, let you care for me. No me talk to you. So now, everyday I wait for you to IM me. I try my hardest to try and not talk to you. But one day I have to tell you how I feel.
I’m happy just to know how you feel. Even though you don’t love me as much as I love you, as long as you know that I love you, that is all that really counts right now. I still haven’t told you how I feel yet. I have to tell you. But I just feel like it’s the right time yet. I know it is, but I just don’t feel like …. I don’t know.. I guess im just scared. I bet in time I will open up again.
Will I ever be able to deserve you again? If not… then I’m okay with that. Because I know that you want to move on. But I’m not willing just yet. Even if you are with another, I will still love you… just you know that. My feelings don’t really change that easy. Once it’s changed it will take a while till it change again.
I know my feelings for you will take a longer time. This is my first time loving a guy this much. My first boyfriend, my first ex boyfriend, everything is so new to me. Now I can just hope, hope that one day a second chance will happen. And I still make it right next time.
I felt bad, torn apart, when I found out from lily, that you don’t love me anymore. But then I thought… I knew the truth, I should be happy. Better then living a world of lies. Knowing clues but not the truth. But ever since I asked you for the answer, you told me, and now… I feel better, because I heard it from you.
Before I gave up on hope… but now I need that hope. I’m hoping that there will soon come a second chance for me and you.
Ohh… just to tell you… I will always be there to congats you when you get another. I will always be there no matter what. I said before that I will love you no matter what. And you know what that means? Even though I feel the pain that I have now,,, I will still love you. No matter how much you hurt me… I still love you. Seeing you with another, I still love you.
I said even though we can’t be… we can always be close friends… I mean it. Here it goes again… NO MATTER WHAT as long as we are friends that will be good enough for me. Only if the level of relationship doesn’t work/wont happen. I believe that one day it will come back… but only if we work things out. To me, that’s the only way.
I’m a weak girl. Im not brave like the others. I can’t just walk up to you and tell you how I feel. It takes me time. Time to think over how I feel before I tell. And now, I feel that I’m not quite ready yet. So imma keep this to myself first. As soon as I feel that I’m ready, I will tell you. Just wait for me. If you’re willing to.
I want you to be happy. I put all the pain in me by letting you go, so that you are happy. Why bother to keep someone that doesn’t have you back. Like you said before, what is the point of liking someone if they don’t love you back! It’s the same deal. I want you to be happy. And what you want is to move on. And that’s what you will get. I will be happy for you :) … cause I love you …. forever and one day. Actually… till the day I die and forever on.
10.20.05
Every night… I dream of you and me, hoping one day it will come true again. Cause me dreams have came true once and I hope it will come true again. I know one day It will happen for us again. I know we can work things out. We just need to know who will speak first. And I hope when I let you read this… I will be the one speaking. At less one of us speaks first.
I wonder… if that second change does come… would it be the same as before or will it be different. And if it’s the different…then how? Would different be better or same? *sigh* who gives… I don’t care anymore. All I want is you. I want you to love me but that is something I can’t control. I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for sounding like I can make you love me. I don’t want to make you love me. I want you to just love me by yourself. I just want you. Because I love you and only you.
I’m wondering again… when you read this… will you finally believe me… that I love you, I’m okay if you don’t. Cause I write this so that I don’t feel bad inside cause I’m letting it out. Well, on paper. Well, better than keeping it inside that causes that pain in.
Sometimes I wonder… if you really love me… just to tell you… I did like you when I first talked to you. More and more I talked to you… I fell in love. I was so happy when you asked me. I can’t believe I actually said yes… even though I knew I wasn’t ready yet.
The past month... I was very very happy, knowing a guy love me for who I am… and they love me. Actually love me back and I love them too… :)
10.22.05
What should I do now? I’m always sitting here with like nothing to write about. I don’t have much to write down… cause its like I’m not sure about my decisions yet… even though I know I love you.
10.25.05
You are my fortress, someone that protects me.
10.26.05
Just say for now, we can just be friends… very close friends. I still love you but I guess we can get to know each other better first. I’m okay that you still kinda have feelings for me… but I just feel that we don’t know each other enough just yet; I hope you do still love me… I know I will. Somehow I just think one summer passes too fast. And on summer is not enough to know one person. You know that I mean? Well… just know that no matter what, I still will love you! <3 :) nothing can pull me apart from you. :) <3
Do you remember the time when we first talked to each other? It’s like... I felt so sad that you broke up with Ruthie. I IMed you and we started talking. We would talk a lot every single day. I was so happy. And then I realized I liked you. I never knew that it would happen but it did. And I’m happy it did happen because without you, I’d feel lost.
The day I met you face to face… I was like… Whoa! Then the word like became love. I fell in love with you. The time we had together was awesome. It was the most precious time of my life. I was so happy… I never thought I was good enough for anyone, but you made me feel so special, because I know I’m loved.
10.27.05
Hmm… what should I write about…? For an awesome reason, I smile whenever I talk and/or think about you. When I talk to you or even just hear your voice I smile. Why do you think I laugh and smile when I talk to you at night? Right now… just thinking of you I smile. :) I just keep wondering… if this relationship will work out. HaHa… I’m a happier person now.
10.31.05
Hey… you know what’s cool? Yesterday when I woke up… I heard your voice. It was like singing to me. The wonderful music to my ears. After a while… I had song “make you mine” stuck in my mind.
I told you that I loved you… but you don’t believe me. You kept asking me why but the truth is, I don’t know why. I do know I do know that I’m not making any of this up. I really do love you. The feeling of being without you makes me feel like I’m a walking zombie, like I came back from the dead. You know what I mean? People say the reason why I don’t know why is probably because I don’t know you as well as I think I do. I’m beginning to believe that’s true. I’m beginning to believe a lot of things that I never thought would be true.
Now I’m more confused then I was before. It seems that I get more and more confused each and everyday. As I find a new answer to pair with one of my questions, I always seem to have another question. But right now, the only question that I want answered is “why do I love you?” My answer is because you care for me, you treat me right, and you’re cute too. In my eyes, I see a sweet, cute, caring guy. I know there are many things that you’ve done wrong but I see past all that. I love the way you laugh and smile. I love the way you make me feel inside. I feel so safe when you’re around. You are my knight in shining armor, my prince from a far away kingdom.
The first time Lily told me that you don’t really love me anymore; I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to think anymore. For the last few days, I couldn’t stop crying. I feel like I understand life a lot better. Life is full of questions and I don’t think I can ever answer them all in m life time. I love you Alex and I really do mean it. I swear to god I do. I miss you Alex, so very much. So what do I do now? Try and get over you or do I keep refusing to and just love you even though you don’t?
Can you tell me that you believe me that I love you now? I told you something didn’t I? And every last word of it is true. I have more to say, when you smile I smile. Just hearing your voice makes me smile. Everything about you makes me happy. And not just that, its you that makes me happy. As time pass, I feel that I’m getting to know you better, and that’s a good thing. I do want to know you better.
Right now, I’m thinking about the first time we talked to each other. The first time I saw you. The first time I talked to you in person. And what our first words were. “Hey!” and “My skins blacker then yours.” That day was my dreams come true. A while back, I would save all the convocations that we use to have. I read them again now and then and I can see how different I was. And how different it was when we talked. Before, I would tell you like every little detail that’s happening in my daily life. And now it’s like I have nothing to say. But I do have something to say. Actually I have a lot to say. But when I start talking to you, it’s like I have nothing to say… like I just spaced out or something.
Ever since I talked to you yesterday, I feel like I can talk to you about anything once again. But there are still some parts of me that are still a bit afraid and that’s not a good sign. I feel that you are someone I can trust, someone that I can live forever with, someone that I can trust to hold and keep my heart and not break it. There are a lot of reasons why I love you; I guess that I just didn’t know where to search for those answers.
Like I keep saying, there are so many reasons why I love you. I know there all in front of me. But I’m just too stupid, too blind to see it. I do see part of it now. You’re everything to me, someone that I can trust and give my heart to. You can make me laugh and smile from anything you do. That’s what I want. I want someone that can make me smile, make me happy, know how to cheer me up, even when you know deep inside I’m really not okay. And you should know that you make everything better.
That someone is you. You’re the one that makes me happy, laugh when I don’t really feel like it, and smile when I’m sad. I should actually thank you for always caring and always being there for me.
10.19.05
I’m feeling better today. I remember the day before when my teacher told me to try and ignore you. I need to let you talk to me, let you care for me. No me talk to you. So now, everyday I wait for you to IM me. I try my hardest to try and not talk to you. But one day I have to tell you how I feel.
I’m happy just to know how you feel. Even though you don’t love me as much as I love you, as long as you know that I love you, that is all that really counts right now. I still haven’t told you how I feel yet. I have to tell you. But I just feel like it’s the right time yet. I know it is, but I just don’t feel like …. I don’t know.. I guess im just scared. I bet in time I will open up again.
Will I ever be able to deserve you again? If not… then I’m okay with that. Because I know that you want to move on. But I’m not willing just yet. Even if you are with another, I will still love you… just you know that. My feelings don’t really change that easy. Once it’s changed it will take a while till it change again.
I know my feelings for you will take a longer time. This is my first time loving a guy this much. My first boyfriend, my first ex boyfriend, everything is so new to me. Now I can just hope, hope that one day a second chance will happen. And I still make it right next time.
I felt bad, torn apart, when I found out from lily, that you don’t love me anymore. But then I thought… I knew the truth, I should be happy. Better then living a world of lies. Knowing clues but not the truth. But ever since I asked you for the answer, you told me, and now… I feel better, because I heard it from you.
Before I gave up on hope… but now I need that hope. I’m hoping that there will soon come a second chance for me and you.
Ohh… just to tell you… I will always be there to congats you when you get another. I will always be there no matter what. I said before that I will love you no matter what. And you know what that means? Even though I feel the pain that I have now,,, I will still love you. No matter how much you hurt me… I still love you. Seeing you with another, I still love you.
I said even though we can’t be… we can always be close friends… I mean it. Here it goes again… NO MATTER WHAT as long as we are friends that will be good enough for me. Only if the level of relationship doesn’t work/wont happen. I believe that one day it will come back… but only if we work things out. To me, that’s the only way.
I’m a weak girl. Im not brave like the others. I can’t just walk up to you and tell you how I feel. It takes me time. Time to think over how I feel before I tell. And now, I feel that I’m not quite ready yet. So imma keep this to myself first. As soon as I feel that I’m ready, I will tell you. Just wait for me. If you’re willing to.
I want you to be happy. I put all the pain in me by letting you go, so that you are happy. Why bother to keep someone that doesn’t have you back. Like you said before, what is the point of liking someone if they don’t love you back! It’s the same deal. I want you to be happy. And what you want is to move on. And that’s what you will get. I will be happy for you :) … cause I love you …. forever and one day. Actually… till the day I die and forever on.
10.20.05
Every night… I dream of you and me, hoping one day it will come true again. Cause me dreams have came true once and I hope it will come true again. I know one day It will happen for us again. I know we can work things out. We just need to know who will speak first. And I hope when I let you read this… I will be the one speaking. At less one of us speaks first.
I wonder… if that second change does come… would it be the same as before or will it be different. And if it’s the different…then how? Would different be better or same? *sigh* who gives… I don’t care anymore. All I want is you. I want you to love me but that is something I can’t control. I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for sounding like I can make you love me. I don’t want to make you love me. I want you to just love me by yourself. I just want you. Because I love you and only you.
I’m wondering again… when you read this… will you finally believe me… that I love you, I’m okay if you don’t. Cause I write this so that I don’t feel bad inside cause I’m letting it out. Well, on paper. Well, better than keeping it inside that causes that pain in.
Sometimes I wonder… if you really love me… just to tell you… I did like you when I first talked to you. More and more I talked to you… I fell in love. I was so happy when you asked me. I can’t believe I actually said yes… even though I knew I wasn’t ready yet.
The past month... I was very very happy, knowing a guy love me for who I am… and they love me. Actually love me back and I love them too… :)
10.22.05
What should I do now? I’m always sitting here with like nothing to write about. I don’t have much to write down… cause its like I’m not sure about my decisions yet… even though I know I love you.
10.25.05
You are my fortress, someone that protects me.
10.26.05
Just say for now, we can just be friends… very close friends. I still love you but I guess we can get to know each other better first. I’m okay that you still kinda have feelings for me… but I just feel that we don’t know each other enough just yet; I hope you do still love me… I know I will. Somehow I just think one summer passes too fast. And on summer is not enough to know one person. You know that I mean? Well… just know that no matter what, I still will love you! <3 :) nothing can pull me apart from you. :) <3
Do you remember the time when we first talked to each other? It’s like... I felt so sad that you broke up with Ruthie. I IMed you and we started talking. We would talk a lot every single day. I was so happy. And then I realized I liked you. I never knew that it would happen but it did. And I’m happy it did happen because without you, I’d feel lost.
The day I met you face to face… I was like… Whoa! Then the word like became love. I fell in love with you. The time we had together was awesome. It was the most precious time of my life. I was so happy… I never thought I was good enough for anyone, but you made me feel so special, because I know I’m loved.
10.27.05
Hmm… what should I write about…? For an awesome reason, I smile whenever I talk and/or think about you. When I talk to you or even just hear your voice I smile. Why do you think I laugh and smile when I talk to you at night? Right now… just thinking of you I smile. :) I just keep wondering… if this relationship will work out. HaHa… I’m a happier person now.
10.31.05
Hey… you know what’s cool? Yesterday when I woke up… I heard your voice. It was like singing to me. The wonderful music to my ears. After a while… I had song “make you mine” stuck in my mind.
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