Yays.

I got my journal back:D Thanx.

Die.

Just die. Bitch; just die... please?


























The day's come. Everyone HATES me now. goodbye world.

My journal.

So much things have happened and I've just been to lazy to write it all down. I think back and I can remember everything so clear. But It's like all just a memory if I don't write it down. It's been so long since I've written in my journals about something personal. As if my memories will just slowly fade away, nothing but a feeling of something like that happening. Sometimes I ask myself, "why do I even bother to write down so much unhappy things?" when I write in my journal, i write in it thinking about how I can one day look back at it and laugh. Or maybe just tell myself "I remember that day". As I read back, it's as if I'm re-living my whole life again. I kinda regret not starting a journal when I was in third grade. My daddy always told me to keep one. I never kept it. I thought that life wasn't that interesting. Now that I think back, I could have had that habit of keeping one. So now, I would be like.. "I can't go a day without writing in my journal" ha-ha. Oh well, that was in the past. I'm a sophomore now, and going on to junior year at the end of 08'. Everything that has happened in the past will never leave me. I tend to remember all the most important days, and everyday with the people I love; are very important days. I doubt I will forget about them THAT easily. I can remember everything have happened over the last three to four years like it was all yesterday. I never wrote a journal back then. Well, I kinda did... but my teacher ripped it up. That was back when I was in 8th grade, before Alex and I started our second relationship. I remember the things I wrote down on those papers. They were all words to prove to Alex how much I loved him. He always asked me why I love him. I never gave him an answer. I wrote it all on those papers, those papers that Alex have never read. I still remember the things I wrote on those papers. HA... they we're so cheesy. And you know what? I didn't know enough about "love" to even explain the feelings I have for Alex. Only if I know what was going to happen AFTER all that, I could explain everything much better. Sigh. The past will always follow me. And all I can do is live on and continue to build these memories. Weather their good or bad, I will always remember them. That's why I should keep a journal, so I can remind myself or whats good and whats bad. What I've gone though to get myself where I am today. I should really start writing in my journal again. Sigh.

Unexpected

I Have something planned.. This is going to be hard. I don't know how all this will work out, but I will try by best. When that day comes, I can't wait to see the expression on your face. It'll be so unexpected. I really hope that you will love it.

It's going to be a while from now, but I better start if I'm going to make this all work out perfectly.




Hmm... I haven't been writing in my journals for a long time now. I have been going though so much, but just never got the time or the mood to write it all down. MAYBE because I don't "have" my journal with me YET. Where ever it is, please come back to me ASAP(: I have a lot to tell you:D

Why? How?

Why Am I Always Killing Myself?!?
Why Do I Always Screw Myself Up In Everything I Do?!?
Why! Why! WHY!?!
Why Does This Happen To Me?
Why Can't I Just Live A Pain-Free Life?
Why Did I Let Myself Fall For You?
Why Did I Put Myself In Denial?
Why Did I Ever Let You Leave?
Why Why Why!?!?
I Don't Deserve To Love, Or Hate Anyone Else But Me.
How Can I Love, When I Can't Even Love Myself?
How Can I Hate When There's No one Hurting Me, But Myself?