I'm Hopeless.

Your name runs though my mind,
How can I be so blind?
Every time I think of you,
I just can’t breathe.
I know you’re in love with her,
Which makes this even harder.
I really want to tall you how I feel,
But I'm afraid.
As each day passes,
I feel that my feeling grow deeper.
I know for sure,
That I will never have a chance with you.
Even you said I'm hopeless.
My friends say I should just tell you,
But if I do, will you still talk to me?
I rather have you talk to me,
Then you not.
Whether you know or not.
I just want to see you smile,
Even if it’s only with her.
She’s you everything ain’t she?
It’s been 3 months since you two been together.
I congratulate you two.
It doesn’t matter how much this hurts for me,
As long as you two are happy.
I want to say sorry to her,
For liking you.
She’s my friend, and I don’t want to EVER hurt her.
I never felt so much pain in a crush.
The feeling hurts so bad.
For now, as long as you can make me smile,
I'll be fine, till my emotions start again.
I think I’m going to end this by saying...
I'm hopeless.

worst day of school.

My day started alright until 2 period. First, we had to do some raider report crap. we had to wave "bye" for like 5 mins into the cam. So I hide in the back and just waved "bye". Well, that was embarrassing.(crush was near by) Then after 2, I walked to third. Unlike every other day, my teacher decided to let us change then roll call. I walked in and just remembered I forgot my PE clothes. I asked around and I got gray shorts but no shorts.

I went outside late after that, My name wasn't called during roll call. I thought it was weird. So I got sent to the counselors office. But my counselor was in a conference. I asked some other lady. she gave me my schedule and I ran back to my PE teacher. He approved it and sent me to class.

I ran to the locker room to get my stuff. I knocked on the door but no one answered. I ran to the other side and knocked there too. Still no one answered. So I ran to find B6. Dude.. I ran around the ENTIRE B building and still couldn't find B6. I felt like an idiot...-.-" well, I found it.. the last door I found. I went in and asked the teacher. She told me to go to my PE locker and get my stuff and stop by the library to get "to kill a mockingbird".

So I went back to the lockers and knocked in the door again. Still no one answers. So I ran to one of the teachers. Finally, I got my stuff, then I went to pick up the book. I went back to the class, the teacher told me that I have to read the book from chapter 1-10. Dude.. that A LOT of reading. By the time I'm there, they be done with the book.

Well, the good part in all, is that my classrooms are right next to eachother 3 periods in a row. B3, B6,& B8. :D And that Now I have 2 classes with Joyce(: well.. after that i went to alg. 2. Nothing special. Then PE again... No PE clothes, so i lost points. But I did get to go get my lunch earlier:D Goodbye Long lines!!(:

Other than All that, my day went well. I just have harder English teacher. First day in her class, and I don't like her already. Starting from lunch, I've been listening to "teardrops on my guitar" by Taylor Swift. All I did was think about him. and everything about that song is true. I hate the fact that he's taken. I wish them the best though.. Joyce saids that I should tell him. But I'm afraid that if I tell him, He's going to hate me, not talk to me anymore, or something like that. I think I'll just leave it as it is for now.

obsession?

I know that he has a girlfriend and its only right that they do stuff together. but why do I feel so sad. I shouldn't even like him cause he has a girlfriend. but; why can't i let go? he has a girlfriend stupid!

To me, they look so cute together. Well, "to me" most couples look cute together. It's love we're talking about. But, why do I still like him. I hate the fact that I can't change my feelings. When I think of what I saw today just kills me. and yet, I still say its cute. I guess cause it's only right that they do or they could cause their in love.

I don't know, I really hate this. Sigh.

freaky.

I know I haven't been updating this blog for a while now. I guess I just don't have much to say anymore. I write everything in my journal now. (my hand journal)

Hmm, what should I write about...

How about, do you believe in ghosts? The deal with yesterday was, I went our at 6 yesterday and didn't come home until 9:45. My mom said I can't watch TV if my homework isn't done yet. So i kinda disobeyed my mom, and turned on the TV anyways. I'd turn if off when its commercial time.

After the second time, I kinda forgot to turn it back on.. cause I was to chatting and doing homework. Suddenly the TV turned on by itself. i dont know what happened.. but it was freaky.

retreat relates to I AM poem.

GOD is my only TRUE LOVE!

remember this poem? I wrote this on Thursday. This poem was for a class assignment. But i feel as if god gave me this assignment. you know why? I'll explain..


I am a rose yet to bloom,
All grown up, or so you assume.
Well of course, I'm not full grown yet. (so that's true)

Friends and family are whom I love,
With heavenly father high above.
I love My family and friends, and God of course! (that's already true)

I am lost in the sound of music,
Singing to the wonderful lyrics.
In the retreat, i got lost in the sounds of the music that our worship team played. And i followed every lyric that was posted up on the projector.

I eat and eat but never get fat,
I hope I can just keep it at that.
I ate ans ate but didn't get fat. (but that want over a long time so yea.)

I am an angel with black wings,
A falling angel with broken feelings.
I dont really know about this one.. but yea..

Relationships have caused me pain,
Anymore; I’d go insane.
(past)

I want to go somewhere peaceful,
But not somewhere far to travel.
There was a bleach next to UCSD, so that wasn't that far(:

The beach is where I want to be,
In the future; just you and me.
So Joyce, Alex, Ryan, Ernest His sister, Joyce's mom and I all went to the beach. It was in the future from when i wrote the poem. I was expecting like LATER so ha ha.